"SHE'S NOT A CARROT"

For a period of 9 months while my husband and I were going to counseling, working on the home study, etc... My daughter became a carrot. Anytime I questioned something, didn't agree with a worker, etc... Out came the threat,"We could just come pick her up if you want, We can just find another placement,...I lived in constant fear from Spring 2009 until that fall. One day, I was talking to a worker. I didn't like the couples counselor we'd seen a total of 3 times. His office was also 90 minutes round trip, very much out of our way. So I'd asked if we could please switch to someone closer. Right away he started, "Well if you don't want to cooperate, the baby's Atty. has serious concerns re: this placement, yada yada yada..." Well it just so happened it was our 2nd rotation with the current Investigator. I knew her and she'd had nothing but praise when she came to the house. I informed him that I was going to call and speak to her in person. He immediately starts trying to back track."Well if they decide to remove her, there won't be anything we can do..." I politely said I understood. I called her immediately, asked her if the Atty. was concerned and/or considering removal? It was news to her, she had no knowledge of the kind and asked where the info. had come from? I informed her what had been going on, about the threats I'd been dealing with, everything. She let me know she'd be looking into it first thing in the morning. Well it was the one and only time I felt the right thing had been done! I never asked what was said, but, I do know, that was the last time the baby was used as a threat! I'm sure the worker was ticked off but, I lost no sleep over it!

QUALIFICATIONS??

This SW is at least 10 years my junior, she's never had a child. Until you lie on that table and push a new life into the world, you have no clue what it means to love a child! The feeling of pure love that overtakes you, the purest love you'll ever know. Yes my son and I share DNA, he was my first and he taught me the meaning of love. He grew under my heart, my daughter grew in my heart. I love them both just the same. I wrote this quote some time ago; We give our youth and energy to our children, to theirs we give our patience and our wisdom. We lose some things as we age but, we also gain. Patience, wisdom, and knowledge from our life experiences. 3 things we only gain through the passage of time and living life. During my 20's, I thought I had all the answers. I turned 35, and realized I had no clue. Ten years later, I'm very much aware of what we lose and what we gain through the passing of time. I had my son while I was still young and foolish. I definitely appreciated and enjoyed the 2nd time around a little more thanks to these 3 gifts. IMHO These 20 something young kids with their rose colored glasses, and their dreams of saving the world, are so not qualified to make any extreme life changing decisions re: a child's life. Especially, when they can't be bothered to even visit monthly as required by law. When in fact, they hadn't been seen but, once at their office in a 6 month period! Tomorrow I'll be blogging about the overkill directed towards one Mom. Also, how a SW's incompetence/sloppy investigating, extended horrendous abuse for 2 innocent children by 3 years!!

"SHUT UP, FALL IN LINE, DO AS YOUR TOLD..."

Last night, I was thinking back on the different ways my spouse and I were dealt with by cps workers over the past two and a half years. My spouse has always been better than I at their politics; yesing them, not making waves, keeping his opinions to himself. He's always grateful for the smallest bone the worker mentions. He's hoping for a direct email at this time. His glass is always 1/2 full. I'm 100% wiser. They'll tell you anything to shut you up, look you in the eye and lie to your face, believe what they choose to believe and that's that! My damn glass is ALWAYS 1/2 empty! My spouse will leave a voicemail or send an email and be okay with waiting days, sometimes weeks for her to get back to him. The way I see it, ignoring messages is, Disrespectful, Unprofessional, and Demeaning. It say's loud and clear; I could care less what you want, it's not important to me, I'll get to it when I get to it. Aside from child molesters or rapists(who,IMO deserve no respect), no one should be treated like that. If common courtesy and respect become extinct, I think they're already endangered, where will that leave society? If a parent/s makes a mistake, has done the wrong thing, yes, by all means, protect the children and teach the parent/s. However, when did demeaning, judging, disrespecting, or threatening parents become part of helping them? What good purpose is served by shredding someone's self esteem? You want my respect, be ready to give it. I'll be the 1st to admit, any perceptions on my part of being controlled or bullied, and my inner child, fight or flight instinct is something I have be aware of and not surrender to. I have a hard time with that. There was definitely a difference in what each of us would tolerate from SW's. My personal observations were that some SW's have major control issues. There's a need to prove they're in charge. They're not above using threats to break you down, keep you in line. You best do what you're told or else! BullShit! They don't have the right to treat people like dogs, tear down people's self esteem, rip someone apart and leave them feeling worthless! That's not helping someone, that's lording over them!

"I TRUSTED TOO LONG!"

I trusted the Social Worker and the system too much and for too long! Everyone would tell me, "don't believe the worker. They lie, etc..." I would always say, "no, this one's not like that. She's on my side..." Looking back, I was too naive and too trusting. I did everything she told me to, even filed for divorce. Hoping desperately that I would get my girl back. All I hoped for was the chance to take her back to my hometown and build a new life for the two of us. My family was waiting with open arms. I guess the fact that she wouldn't return my cousins phone call should have been a clue. When she stabbed me in the back, I felt like a complete idiot. Way to go Lynn! You put your faith in someone who not only played you for a fool, you trusted someone who devastated 2 lives in the process.

I PRAY MY ANGEL ISN'T FEELING EVEN 1/4 THE PAIN I DO...

Back in Jan. after the TDM, I was informed they were going to place the baby somewhere else. I immediately filed papers with the court objecting to the removal. Genny Wrocklage imposed a 2 day period when I wasn't allowed to see my baby. She said she had to supervise the first one and that she was busy. When I finally got to visit, I sensed my daughter was upset w/ me due to the fact that she wouldn't look me in the eye when the visit started. Towards the end of the hour, she let me know for sure that she was upset with me. She began hitting towards me as I was trying to help w/ something. I started saying," I know you're angry w/ me, I understand, It's okay, I'm sorry I wasn't here for 2 days, etc..." My beautiful, innocent girl broke down crying, she said,"where were you Mommy, I needed you, you didn't come,..." The worker, who was supervising this visit, leaned over and said," remember, I told you Mommy had to finish some errands for me before she could come visit?" WHAT?! Even my 4 year old looked at her like she was insane. How the hell is a 4 year old supposed to understand that ridiculous statement? Anyone WHO'S a parent knows that to a 4 year old, the world is about them, and they're the center of the universe. I couldn't believe a so called professional would make such a RIDICULOUS statement! I would think Child Development would be a required part of their course load in college! Then she climbed into my lap saying," rock me like a baby Mommy, like you used to." I choked back my tears and sat on the floor rocking her. Adding insult to injury, the SW and I exit the building. Devastated by the stress and trauma of my child, I say something re: being sorry for her pain and my contribution to the current situation. The SW, having been present, having clearly heard the exact words my child had said, instead of owning her responsibility for the trauma and pain my child suffered those 2 days, She flipped the blame onto my h. and I!"Yes, you and Bill provided a very poor environment in recent months." Granted, it's true the first 6 months of our separation had been an adjustment, a challenge. You don't throw off 23 years of marriage overnight. However, to clarify, my daughter at no time mentioned anything but her distress during the 2 days I was absent! If 2 days had such an effect on her, it rips my heart out to imagine what my sweet girl is experiencing now. Considering I WAS NEVER ALLOWED TO SAY GOODBYE TO HER!

HOW DOES ONE BEGIN TO MOVE ON?

When you Love, Nurture, Guide, Nurse, Share a child's life for 4 years, and suddenly they're ripped from your world, how do you move on? Especially when you're not even allowed to say Goodbye. When you're cut from their life like some piece of diseased flesh, as if you never shared a bond or attachment, how can one expect to move on from that experience? I was cruelly cut off from my baby's life. Not allowed any closure. How the hell am I supposed to move on and forget? Although the deep bond I share with this child was ignored, minimized, never the less, it exists. Although the emotional damage to both she and I was disregarded by the so called "child protection service workers", does that make our attachment any less real or any less important?

BEFORE AND AFTER SOCIAL WORKER

These photos are a) Before Social Worker and b) After Social Worker

ARE FEDERAL ADOPTION PAYMENTS SUPPLEMENTING BROKEN STATE BUDGETS?

One day I followed a link to the site: FightCPS.com and I read the report from a former Georgian Senator. One thing in that report stands out in my mind to this day. I think it applies to every state. All the positions that depend on the CPS agency; court personnel, therapists, Social Workers, etc... This was the 1st time it occurred to me, kids in this country are being turned into commodities. A lot of people depend on this broken system for a paycheck. If the system was fixed, maybe jobs would be lost. Where's the motivation to fix a broken system? Who's best interest is served by the current system? The support staff or the children? There's a misconception that Foster families take a large part of this money. This is not true. In San Diego, the institution gets a large amount of $ each month per child. Private homes by comparison, get a pittance. The state gets a check from the Federal Gov.($4,000)for each child adopted. A slippery slope where it's more to their benefit to adopt children out rather than doing what's best for the children?

WHAT QUALIFIES THESE INEXPERIENCED, YOUNG WOMEN?

My question is this, Why do we allow these 20 something young girls fresh out of college make such life altering decisions? With their rose colored glasses and their big dreams of saving the world. They have no clue what it means to love a child. They have no life experience, they certainly have none of the wisdom that comes through growing and the passage of time. They make their decisions and their judgements based on what? What exactly do they have to base any judgements on? This young inexperienced person was allowed to alter this child's life in a way that will effect her for the rest of her life. Because she had the power to do so. How much sense does that make?

"DISCRIMINATION!"

In March of 2011 she discriminated against me. I requested the same thing my spouse did, a visit with my baby. After she kept me waiting for 6 WEEKS, she tried to impose conditions on my visiting (that she never tried to impose on my spouse and he didn't have to wait), I was told "because of my anger towards her, No". As if my hatred towards her could ever be greater than the love for my daughter! Egotistical Bitch! DISCRIMINATION COMMITTED BY AN AGENT OF THE STATE! Trying to get justice for this has been a challenge. I will not quit however till there is some justice for myself as well as for my daughter! This social worker HAS NO children, barely knew my daughter(although, required by law to come by once a month, she NEVER was consistent) yet, was allowed to destroy her life! The previous worker came by every month, like clockwork. I never knew when Genny Wrocklage would come by. She seemed to try and fit the baby in every other month or so, if she had the time. Visiting my daughter never seemed to be a priority with her!

LIED TO AND BETRAYED!

Genny Wrecklage was the cold hearted Bitch who lied to me. She led me to believe she respected the bond I shared with my beautiful angel. She got up in court and lied throughout her testimony. She made mention of my many voice mails left for her. Yes, I simply wanted an answer as to when I could visit the baby. I'd never been away from her before. She was already stressed due to being where she was (kiddie jail). I knew she would be upset. Could the witch give me a simple answer? No, she blows me off! What the hell? Was I supposed to laugh and go out clubbing? I needed to know when I'd get to visit my girl. Yet, the courtesy of simply returning my phone call and giving me an answer was beyond her scope of competency and human decency. It was okay for her to blow me off and deny me a simple answer but, it wasn't okay for me not to accept her disrespect. They make the rules. Fall in line, accept and obey them or suffer the consequences. She led me to believe until the end that she was on my side. She stabbed me in the heart as well as, in the back. I did everything she told me to but, in the end, nothing mattered. This evil cold hearted woman wrecked two lives. She is such an EVIL, heartless person that she never even allowed me the chance to say goodbye! I wanted to reassure this innocent child that she did nothing wrong, that I love her and always will. I didn't want her burdened with any thoughts or feelings that I stopped loving her for some reason and left. She does not deserve to carry that bundle around on her shoulders or in her heart! Apparently this emotionally damaging baggage is okay with CPS, because after waiting 6 WEEKS for an answer, DENIED! I cooperated with her 100% but, it didn't matter in the end. I was eradicated from my angels life the day I lost in court, not even allowed to say goodbye! In fact, Miss Wrecklege has continually, cold heartedly turned down every plea I have made to that end! Why is it okay for Social Workers to mentally and emotionally abuse children? To inflict such trauma and devastating damage? Emotionally hurting and scarring them for life is somehow in their best interest?

AGENCY HAS DEVELOPED A GOD COMPLEX!

CPS workers are allowed to lie and distort the truth as they see it. They never correct false information. God forbid you show any emotion. That's a Big no no in their eyes. Your considered unstable if you show any kind of emotion. They love to hold "TDM's" which supposedly stand for Team Decision Meetings. Bull! They should stand for, Threaten, Demote, Meetings. Because God forbid you don't fall in step and do exactly what you're told to do. They are the Gods and there is no mercy if you don't follow their instructions to the tee! They will screw your life up completely and without mercy!

ONCE WELL MEANING, NOW BROKEN!

As a former foster parent, I'm here to tell America, the system is so absolutely broken! I think when cps was put together, it was done for all the right reasons. Now, it's filled with so much bureaucracy! There's a one size fits all mentality when it comes to their course of action. Instead of looking at the individual cases and circumstances, there seems to be one course of action for all. No looking left or right, the blinders only permit one path, one solution. Very robotic and cold. They're not about the kids any more! They totally overdo it on some cases and others are allowed to slip through the cracks! A parent allowed to continue with severe abuse for a few more years due to a Social Worker's failure! Serious, major consequences the children will now have to live and deal with for the rest of their lives. The agency is becoming a total waste of tax dollars. There is far too much bureaucracy and redundancy. There's a desperate need for checks and balances. There needs to be more transparency re: Agency policies also, with the juvenile court proceedings as well! There's an old saying re: absolute power, absolutely corrupts... We'd all be better off to remember that old saying and start paying attention. You may think that they(the parents)must deserve it, that cps is involved for some reason, yes, sometimes cps involvement is very necessary. Never the less, that doesn't mean they're above mistakes! IN SOME CASES, IN SOME SITUATIONS, THEY ARE FAILING AND FAILING MISERABLY!!

SCREWED AND BROKEN BY THE SYSTEM!

I was a licensed foster parent from 1/07-1/11 in San Diego Ca. In April of 2007 a beautiful 3 1/2 month angel was placed in our home. There were a few challenges but, we overcame them and she thrived. When she was 15 months old, bio mom lost her rights and we were asked about our interest in adopting. We began the home study but, also at this time some issues came up in our marriage so at the same time we were involved in services to address them. During this time the child continued to thrive. We both doted on her and her 2 evaluations were off the chart. She was a loving, bright, happy, curious, child who was very much loved. In Aug. 2010 my spouse moved out. Though he would continue to be a part of her life, I would be the only one allowed to adopt. Having my 23 year old marriage come to an end was difficult to accept and I spent more time than I should have during the fall focusing on that. I did end up losing the house we rented in Jan. At this time, cps took my sweet little girl(now 4 yrs.). Although I quickly (w/in 3 weeks) had taken all the steps needed to turn things around(housing,income,filed for divorce)they informed me they wouldn't be placing her back with me. We went to court. My request for an atty. was denied and 4 days later, faced with 2 veteran Attys., and lies the Social worker testified to, I lost. Just like that, she was gone from my life. I wasn't even allowed to say goodbye!