"BILL THE BACKSTABBER"

*** ALL STARRED COMMENTS ARE MINE ***
From: Bill Connearney
Sent: Thursday, February 03, 2011 9:28 PM
To: 'Wrocklage, Genny'
Subject: RE: Update
  Bummer, I just spent a lot of time writing my response
and the browser dumped. Let's try again.
  The eyes getting wet is not medical. When she would get her eyes wet in the shower she needs to have a towel to wipe them with. She preferred my shirt which I playfully complained about. A lot of wet shirts but it made her happy.  She loves to swim and I would tell her to gently wipe her eyes with her hands.
***Actually I always had her look up and rinsed her hair back. She didn't like water in her face and this took the drama/trauma out of hair washing. If he'd truly paid attention, he'd have known this!***
Food: I would suggest if they are not already doing so to eat at the table together. This creates a more family atmosphere and may encourage her to eat what is in front of her if she is included in if not the focus of a conversation.  She loves meatballs.  We would share spaghetti and meatballs and garlic bread on our Saturdays together. She called it our special time.
  ***Once again answered by someone who didn't have a clue! Yes, she was picky. There were a few staples to her diet. Pasta was just one. She would eat oatmeal, any fruit but, Mango, yougurt, peanut butter toast,and a few others. She was usually willing to try something if I was eating it.***
Games: We called the belly game the DOH! game. When she ran into my belly I would say DOH! and fall backwards. This made her feel big and strong because she could knock me over. Funny story. The last time I got to take Ahmi to the park we were playing the DOH! game and the little girl we met at the park was busting up laughing at how much fun Ahmi was having. A 2 year old boy actually started doing the game to me. I let him. At the beach we would put a dog leash down and back up ten feet and race to pick it up. Somehow she always just beat me. Another was "Where's Diego" I would stand with Ahmi standing behind me facing my back holding my hands. and say Where's Diego? She would say look behind you. So we would spin 180 degrees and I would say "Where I don't see you?" This would go on again and again until I said "I guess I should just keep spinning around." So she was up in the air for a few spins and I would gently put her down. The she would crawl between my legs and say "Look between your legs". Then I would say" Oh! there you are! Hello MY Love. She would say Hi Daddy and then say Let's do it the whole time. Which is her version of repeatedly. She likes to play catch with her 10" princess ball and have tea parties. Puzzles with big pieces.
***Don't bother mentioning that she LOVES books, that she is used to 2 stories every night. That she prefers books that are geared towards 5-6 year olds. That she loves to do crafty things, practice writing, color, paint, play board games such as candy land, chutes and ladders, etc... That she loves walks around the block. That she was enrolled in gymnastics, had started swimming lessons the summer before. That she loves her small stuffed animal collection and would pretend they were real. That she's very attached to her blanket, uses the edge to "silk". That she's experienced night terrors from time to time since she was a baby and how to deal with them.***
Visits: I hear and understand  their concerns about me sharing their personal info with Lynn. I can only give you my word that I would not jeopardize any time I may be granted with Ahmi. I never knew how much love I could have until I got to know Ahmi. I love her more than anyone or anything. I don't know what to call the new parents in front of Ahmi. Are they referring to themselves as mom and dad? Assuming they are a heterosexual family.
  ***3 hours earlier he'd called me. Whining about the spousal support order I'd been awarded in court earlier that day. "I can't afford to pay you and maintain an apt., please move in with me, we'll work together to try and get her back..." Backstabbing piece of crap! His word means something! NOT!!***
Last I spoke with Lynn she said she would want Ahmi to still see me if she could not see her. She believes that Ahmi believes that we got rid of her and that we don't want her anymore and that if even one of us told her that we both still and always will love her that will have a greatly positive effect on her.
  ***I spoke the words above only in regard to myself. Egotistical pr&ck! Only in his imagination was he included! I NEVER said I'd still want him to see her! What I said was, I was haunted by the damage my sudden disappearance from her life would do to her emotionally. How I wished I'd been able to say goodbye and to reassure her that she hadn't done anything wrong. That I loved her always, forever, plus one more day. He even screwed that up in March 2011! He made a little video and couldn't even remember how I said it! Stupid sh&t! I don't mean to imply he didn't love her. He loved her as much as a narcissistic personality is capable of loving someone besides themselves. The sad fact is however, he never loved her enough to put her before himself. I had a bond with her that he never came close to! I respected their relationship, even though he didn't return that respect to her and I! Ex: Telling her I was evil. He had no self control over his mouth! No sense that it's not okay to say certain things to children.***
If only I could go back in time knowing what I know now I would have adopted Ahmi as soon as possible and you would have been done with us to go on to help other families. This has been and remains to be a deeply painful lesson. I miss her so much. But rest assured I will be nothing but positive and grateful toward Ahmi's new family.  
***Yes FREAKING DUMB ASS! How long did you drag your feet? As always, sorry comes, much too little, much too late! I begged you on my knees to love her more than you hated me! You turned your back on her! How is that love? I love her so much more than I hate the wrecker B&tch! I never said bad things to her about you! That's so much more than you could ever say! THE SAD TRUTH IS YOU NEVER LOVED HER MORE THAN YOURSELF! You never put her first! That's not love!***
As always please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you help Ahmi. Bill

*** She gave you a priceless, precious gift! Her complete love, trust, adoration! You threw it back in her face because you were not WORTHY!! YOU'LL NEVER RECEIVE SUCH A GIFT AGAIN! The sad thing is, you can't even understand or appreciate how sad that is. What a loss that truly is.***

"LIES V. TRUTH"

As far back as I can remember, my Mother seemed to prefer lying over the truth. My third and youngest brother was born a little bit less than 2 months before I turned 7. I very clearly remember when she told me it was a boy, I didn't believe her. I was convinced she was playing a cruel trick on me since she knew how much I wanted a sister. It wasn't until I saw his diaper being changed that I knew it was true. My first words upon seeing the truth,"Take him back and trade him in for a girl." Of course we kept him. I love him very much and those words were only my childish disappointment. My adult brain thinks back on that experience and I've often asked myself, why would my first reaction be of non belief re: my Mother's words? I was almost 7 yet already I'd learned my Mother couldn't be trusted. I won't go into the details but, yes, due to cruel things she'd done and lies I'd heard her speak, I'd already discovered my Mother was mean sometimes and didn't always tell the truth. Around the same time, my 2 younger brothers and I were upstairs in my parents bedroom jumping on the bed. My Dad who was in the Living room right below us, called for us to come down. He asked each of us in turn, "were you jumping on the bed?" I answered truthfully, "yes Dad." My brothers, I suppose trying to avoid getting into trouble, both said "no." They both had to stand in the corner. I didn't because, my Dad said, "Lynn told the truth." So many years later and that lesson is still a part of me! To this day, I respect someone who speaks the truth! Truth may sometimes hurt but, it's the right way to go. ALWAYS! I hate a liar. It's the worst thing someone can do to me. If Genny Wrocklege had had the decency and self respect to be truthful with me, I in turn would have respected that. Instead she lied, stabbed me in the back, walked all over the trust I'd placed in her. That's why forever and always, IMO, she's a waste of the air she breathes. To be in her position, as far as I'm concerned, wreckers are obligated to treat people with; truth, dignity, and respect. SHE FAILED! May she rot! I love you Ahmi girl! Forever and Always, plus One more day! I pray you giggled and laughed today and that your heart is light! xxoo Mom

"DEAR SUBSTITUTE part 2"

  Dear Substitute, Although we've never met, one little girl connects us. Because of your inhumane, devastating decision not to allow My daughter and I the chance to say goodbye, I can never respect you. You have no right to claim the title of "Mom". Your decision against us having closure, was in your best interests not Ahmi's. If the situation had been reversed, as a Mom myself, I can assure you I would have allowed the goodbye for Ahmi's sake. Part of being a Mother is putting your child's interests before your own petty jealousies and insecurities. I'd like you to consider this, the bond between her and I, the one that was so "threatening", that same bond allows her to bond with others. Yes, she was raised with love, attention, nurturing, patience, affection, enrichment, encouragement, etc... It's because of us that she's the Loving, Inquisitive, Joyful, Sweet, Kind, Bright, Awesome little girl that she is. Yes, I had a rotten marriage. I was/am a GREAT Mom! Obviously a better one than yourself. I put aside my feelings and arranged a visit with her B. mother. Despite having had to deal with S.  the first 15 months and to be honest, having felt relieved when she vanished. I did it for Ahmi. What will you say when she finds out you wouldn't allow her and I the chance to say goodbye? Will you be honest and tell her that you were jealous? That your feelings were more important? Nice mothering! Obviously putting her Interests before your own was something you were incapable of. Although for now you have the privilege of sharing her life, never forget I am waiting. I have constructed a well lit path for her to follow one day. If and when she searches for me, I will show the same compassion I received from you. Be assured on that day I will do everything in my power to take her from you! In fact I will not rest until I completely sever any ties between the two of you. You can do your best to erase me from her mind. Our hearts are bonded with love. You will not erase me from her heart. I have something you never will, the important years and all the memories that belong to her and I exclusively. She's going to want all of that knowledge. I'll be waiting with her baby journals and her scrapbook. Waiting to reclaim her. You should pray each night that she doesn't become a rebellious teen. If she EVER reaches out to me, I will always be her safe harbor. She always will be welcome and safe with me. I would never betray her! I'm right here, waiting. I believe the day will come...I pray you giggled and laughed today Sweetest Girl! I Love you Forever and Always plus One more Day! XOXO Mom ** Edited 12/24/2011

"THE CRAP SHE SPEAKS PART 2"

When she was 15 months old, my daughters birth Mom skipped an important court date and vanished for 2 years. At that time parental rights were terminated. A month before my daughters 3rd birthday, I received a letter from her. Basically it said, she'd got her life straightened out and she was ready to be a Mom. Although I was concerned re: her assumption and or perception of reality. As a Mom myself, I could understand her wanting to see the baby, missing her, needing to know how she was doing, etc... Once Genny Wrocklage met with her and let her know where things stood. That rights had been terminated 2 yrs. previously, that we were moving ahead with Adoption, etc... I called her and set up a meeting for the 2 of us as a prerequisite before visiting with the baby. Basically, I just wanted to discuss a happy, low-key, visit that would put the baby's emotions as the top priority. Children grow a lot between 15 months and age 3! I didn't want adult emotions to overwhelm and frighten child ones! Anyways, that night I talked with my daughter about her "Mama S." How she'd come back from a long trip, wanted to visit with her, etc... My daughter's one concern? She asked if she had to go live with her. After I reassured her that no, her home was with us, it was just a visit. She replied, "okay I would like to visit then Mom." The next afternoon I phoned and arranged to meet her at a donut shop in her neighborhood. Now, aside from being 30 mins. late, if the boundaries we'd discussed the day before had been respected, I would have been okay with a visit every 6 months or so. As a Mom, I couldn't imagine life without my son. Although, I never was (fortunately) in her position. I understand the mother love. Unfortunately, she acted in ways that would potentially confuse my daughter and bring chaos into our lives. After discussing it with my husband, I let her know that we felt it was in the baby's best interest to let her grow and develop a little more before arranging any additional visits. I let her know that I'd set up an exclusive email for communication between us and that I would send pics. 2 or 3 times a year. At that point in time, having been completely ignored on the boundaries we'd discussed and agreed on, and having been disrespected several times to my daughter. i.e. She couldn't refer to me as "your Mom or Mom" while talking to the baby. I was "her and she". At one point, my daughter gave me a questioning look. When she took it upon herself to mention holiday plans to my daughter that we had not discussed, it was clear. My daughter deserved to continue growing up with a Mom and a Dad who loved her, in the safe, secure only world she'd known for 3 yrs. After a few years, when her foundation was a little more developed and she had more of an understanding, we'd reassess things. Now, I will tie this post together. As an answer to one of my many requests for a goodbye visit, Genny Wrocklage said,"A visit isn't possible at this time, they're bonding, yadayada. Remember how you felt re: S.? Well now you're S." Okay for one thing, I shared a deep, loving bond with my daughter that only comes with daily, consistent, loving time spent together. During our private meeting, one thing I stated to S., "I respect that you carried her and gave her life." "However, 2 years is a long time at her age. You need to accept and respect, she hasn't been sitting on a shelf waiting for your return. I've been a consistent, loving, part of her life as long as she can remember. You need to be okay that I'm Mom." Since we had a history, I guess I accepted her quick agreement a little quickly myself. Second point, I very much set up the visit understanding S.'s heart and desire as a Mom myself. However, I took time to insure that A.'s best interests were number one priority. Only someone who has no clue would attempt to compare the situations!! I always acted for the good of my dau. I never put my feelings into the equation! Isn't that a Mom? Yes! A true Mom doesn't put her jealousies, insecurities, ahead of what's best for the child! IMO Someone who's incapable of that, Is not and will NEVER be a true, fit, deserving parent! I pray that you giggled and laughed today! My sweet little one Forever and Always, Plus One more Day! XOXO Mom

"TO THE BEST GIRL"

To my sweet darling girl, First I want to say how very, very sorry I am for the trauma you've been put through this year. I'm sorry I lost our home and that you had to go to that HORRIBLE place(Polinsky). I'm also extremely sorry that I told Genny Wrocklage something out of anger that I'd kept quiet about for 15 months. I never should have trusted her, should have kept it to myself and in fact, should have taken it to the grave. Opening up to her was a big part of why you weren't returned to me. That is something I regret to this day and always will. I pray every day that you aren't blaming yourself for ANYTHING! Although, at four, I fear that is in fact the case. Sweetheart if I'd been allowed to see you, I would have assured you that, Absolutely nothing that happened was your fault! Not for a minute have I stopped loving you! You could never do anything that would cause that to happen! I love and miss you so much. Always and Forever plus One more day. Do you remember how I always told you about me wishing for a little girl when I was a little girl? How you were my dream come true? That is as true today as it always was. I begged many times for the chance to see you and say goodbye. There were different excuses about why I couldn't. Once, it was "she's talking about you too much, you're a threat to what they're trying to build with her." Although I'm not sure who's interest they were thinking of, yours or theirs? Another time Genny Wrocklage said "It's obvious you're still very angry with me and I don't see that a visit would be beneficial at this time." As if my anger at her would ever be greater than my love for you. It wouldn't but, she never gave me that chance. Although she told me at one time she understood that I was your Mom. That she respected the love and bond we shared, she never respected it enough to do the decent, human thing and allow us to have the chance to say goodbye. Sweet girl I pray each day your heart is a little happier and that you don't carry any of this on your shoulders. You were/are the best little girl any parents could hope for. Life with you was a joy and a privilege. I think about you all the time and anxiously await the day we might be reunited. Until then, a piece of my heart and soul is missing. The day I see you again is when I will once again be complete. I love you beautiful girl! Forever and Always, plus One more day! I pray you smiled and laughed today my sweetest girl! XOXO Mom

"WHAT DEFINES MOM"

"The commonest fallacy among women is that simply having children makes one a mother which is as absurd as believing that having a piano makes one a musician."-Sydney J. Harris
"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother." - Oprah Winfrey

"Mom" IMO the greatest title a Woman can have in her lifetime. Aside from growing, carrying, and giving birth to a child. I've been thinking a lot the past ten months about other ways women become "Mom". Genny Wrocklage tried to minimize the relationship I shared with my daughter. In court I was reduced to the "caretaker". For myself, the biggest issue I have re: Social Workers is, they're not parents. They have no concept of being a parent, loving a child. In turn, they can't relate, there's no empathy. They look at the world with a young, inexperienced narrow viewpoint. My son grew under my heart. After 22 excruciating hours, he entered the world. It was love at first sight! 25 years later, a tiny, beautiful little girl came into my life. With the eyes of an old soul, she just lay quietly and looked at me. I wondered what had this baby been through in her first 3 months, that she seemed to look at life through much older eyes? From that first day, she began to grow in my heart. As time passed, she grew and thrived. The bond between us grew stronger as the days turned to weeks, months, and then to years. Along the way there was, life filled with, laughter, joy, love, a tear or two, many milestones to meet, and 3 eye surgerys to conquer. I believe loving, comforting, nurturing, teaching, all that goes into caring for a baby (3 mths.-4 yrs.), are all the acts of a Mom. I love both of my children. They both will always own a piece of my heart. My son showed me the meaning of a pure, emotional, over whelming love. He taught me what it means to love a child. My daughter means the world to me. I miss her and I love her just as much today as I did in Jan. At first, so much of what Genny Wrocklage said to me or about me was devastating. It was months before I finally got mad enough to fight for my self respect and my self esteem. Thus a blog was born. Through writing I've come to realize; She's not a parent. Therefore, she's incapable of relating as one. I will no longer allow her pointless judgements, lies, or statements haunt or define me. I also realize that my little girl will look for me one day soon. I'll have a lot to share with her on that day. I just need be patient and wait. Once we are reunited, we will never be separated again. No matter what the robots at CPS are able to do in the moment, no one will erase the loving bond that connects our hearts. I love you Ahmi! With every beat of my heart. I miss you and I yearn for the day I will see your beautiful face once again. Forever and Always plus One more day! I hope you smiled and laughed today! XOXO Mom

"SHUT UP, FALL IN LINE, DO AS YOUR TOLD..."

Last night, I was thinking back on the different ways my spouse and I were dealt with by cps workers over the past two and a half years. My spouse has always been better than I at their politics; yesing them, not making waves, keeping his opinions to himself. He's always grateful for the smallest bone the worker mentions. He's hoping for a direct email at this time. His glass is always 1/2 full. I'm 100% wiser. They'll tell you anything to shut you up, look you in the eye and lie to your face, believe what they choose to believe and that's that! My damn glass is ALWAYS 1/2 empty! My spouse will leave a voicemail or send an email and be okay with waiting days, sometimes weeks for her to get back to him. The way I see it, ignoring messages is, Disrespectful, Unprofessional, and Demeaning. It say's loud and clear; I could care less what you want, it's not important to me, I'll get to it when I get to it. Aside from child molesters or rapists(who,IMO deserve no respect), no one should be treated like that. If common courtesy and respect become extinct, I think they're already endangered, where will that leave society? If a parent/s makes a mistake, has done the wrong thing, yes, by all means, protect the children and teach the parent/s. However, when did demeaning, judging, disrespecting, or threatening parents become part of helping them? What good purpose is served by shredding someone's self esteem? You want my respect, be ready to give it. I'll be the 1st to admit, any perceptions on my part of being controlled or bullied, and my inner child, fight or flight instinct is something I have be aware of and not surrender to. I have a hard time with that. There was definitely a difference in what each of us would tolerate from SW's. My personal observations were that some SW's have major control issues. There's a need to prove they're in charge. They're not above using threats to break you down, keep you in line. You best do what you're told or else! BullShit! They don't have the right to treat people like dogs, tear down people's self esteem, rip someone apart and leave them feeling worthless! That's not helping someone, that's lording over them!