"DEAR GENNY WRECKLAGE, I NEED YOU TO KNOW.."

I'm not consumed by an overwhelming hatred of you anymore. I do still hate your guts and think you're a two faced backstabbing, lying, witch. I would cross the street rather than ever help you out in an emergency. However, knowing that my blog is tied to you for the rest of time, that any of your so called "accomplishments" are connected with the real you, helps. Heck, the emails between you and Bill have brought over 1,000 views alone. Not that you freaking give a crap but, I ache every minute of every day for my girl. The tears don't fall as often but, my heart will only begin to heal the day that phone call comes. I know 100% it will come. Although you and the substitutes wouldn't allow us closure. The heart doesn't forget. My girl will search. Thank God for the miracle of the Internet. No matter where I may be, I'll always be just a phone call away! My  one regret is that it took me more than a year to read the emails I found on Bill's pc in July of 2011. When he asked me to move in with him 2/3/11, I thought his motivation was the $ he'd been court ordered to start paying me that very day. I now know he'd already hatched a plan to try and destroy me any way he could. I'm glad I ignored his pleas to cancel the divorce papers. I have no doubt he wanted to refile as the plaintiff. Wow! You were in bed with a diabolical, twisted, lying, abusive sack of crap. Yet, you've never seemed to get that. Yet, you're in charge of "...best interests of children..." How screwed up is that? You're college degree that Daddy paid for might look nice but, it's no better than toilet paper. You don't know crap about the human psyche nor about loving/being a parent. I hope and pray for the day when your agency is put in check and there is finally oversight to everything that is done in, "..the best interest of the child.." When there is no longer a $4,000 bounty on a child's life. When the corrupted curtain of secrecy is finally ripped away from the Juvenile court, "the best interest of the child" may finally be served! p.s. I won't bother signing this. You know very well who I am. A copy of this email will be posted to my blog by the end of today. Unlike yourself, I don't have anything to hide. lynmco-childpunishingservice.blogspot.com "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." - Theodor Geisel    LMC

"BILL THE BACKSTABBER"

*** ALL STARRED COMMENTS ARE MINE ***
From: Bill Connearney
Sent: Thursday, February 03, 2011 9:28 PM
To: 'Wrocklage, Genny'
Subject: RE: Update
  Bummer, I just spent a lot of time writing my response
and the browser dumped. Let's try again.
  The eyes getting wet is not medical. When she would get her eyes wet in the shower she needs to have a towel to wipe them with. She preferred my shirt which I playfully complained about. A lot of wet shirts but it made her happy.  She loves to swim and I would tell her to gently wipe her eyes with her hands.
***Actually I always had her look up and rinsed her hair back. She didn't like water in her face and this took the drama/trauma out of hair washing. If he'd truly paid attention, he'd have known this!***
Food: I would suggest if they are not already doing so to eat at the table together. This creates a more family atmosphere and may encourage her to eat what is in front of her if she is included in if not the focus of a conversation.  She loves meatballs.  We would share spaghetti and meatballs and garlic bread on our Saturdays together. She called it our special time.
  ***Once again answered by someone who didn't have a clue! Yes, she was picky. There were a few staples to her diet. Pasta was just one. She would eat oatmeal, any fruit but, Mango, yougurt, peanut butter toast,and a few others. She was usually willing to try something if I was eating it.***
Games: We called the belly game the DOH! game. When she ran into my belly I would say DOH! and fall backwards. This made her feel big and strong because she could knock me over. Funny story. The last time I got to take Ahmi to the park we were playing the DOH! game and the little girl we met at the park was busting up laughing at how much fun Ahmi was having. A 2 year old boy actually started doing the game to me. I let him. At the beach we would put a dog leash down and back up ten feet and race to pick it up. Somehow she always just beat me. Another was "Where's Diego" I would stand with Ahmi standing behind me facing my back holding my hands. and say Where's Diego? She would say look behind you. So we would spin 180 degrees and I would say "Where I don't see you?" This would go on again and again until I said "I guess I should just keep spinning around." So she was up in the air for a few spins and I would gently put her down. The she would crawl between my legs and say "Look between your legs". Then I would say" Oh! there you are! Hello MY Love. She would say Hi Daddy and then say Let's do it the whole time. Which is her version of repeatedly. She likes to play catch with her 10" princess ball and have tea parties. Puzzles with big pieces.
***Don't bother mentioning that she LOVES books, that she is used to 2 stories every night. That she prefers books that are geared towards 5-6 year olds. That she loves to do crafty things, practice writing, color, paint, play board games such as candy land, chutes and ladders, etc... That she loves walks around the block. That she was enrolled in gymnastics, had started swimming lessons the summer before. That she loves her small stuffed animal collection and would pretend they were real. That she's very attached to her blanket, uses the edge to "silk". That she's experienced night terrors from time to time since she was a baby and how to deal with them.***
Visits: I hear and understand  their concerns about me sharing their personal info with Lynn. I can only give you my word that I would not jeopardize any time I may be granted with Ahmi. I never knew how much love I could have until I got to know Ahmi. I love her more than anyone or anything. I don't know what to call the new parents in front of Ahmi. Are they referring to themselves as mom and dad? Assuming they are a heterosexual family.
  ***3 hours earlier he'd called me. Whining about the spousal support order I'd been awarded in court earlier that day. "I can't afford to pay you and maintain an apt., please move in with me, we'll work together to try and get her back..." Backstabbing piece of crap! His word means something! NOT!!***
Last I spoke with Lynn she said she would want Ahmi to still see me if she could not see her. She believes that Ahmi believes that we got rid of her and that we don't want her anymore and that if even one of us told her that we both still and always will love her that will have a greatly positive effect on her.
  ***I spoke the words above only in regard to myself. Egotistical pr&ck! Only in his imagination was he included! I NEVER said I'd still want him to see her! What I said was, I was haunted by the damage my sudden disappearance from her life would do to her emotionally. How I wished I'd been able to say goodbye and to reassure her that she hadn't done anything wrong. That I loved her always, forever, plus one more day. He even screwed that up in March 2011! He made a little video and couldn't even remember how I said it! Stupid sh&t! I don't mean to imply he didn't love her. He loved her as much as a narcissistic personality is capable of loving someone besides themselves. The sad fact is however, he never loved her enough to put her before himself. I had a bond with her that he never came close to! I respected their relationship, even though he didn't return that respect to her and I! Ex: Telling her I was evil. He had no self control over his mouth! No sense that it's not okay to say certain things to children.***
If only I could go back in time knowing what I know now I would have adopted Ahmi as soon as possible and you would have been done with us to go on to help other families. This has been and remains to be a deeply painful lesson. I miss her so much. But rest assured I will be nothing but positive and grateful toward Ahmi's new family.  
***Yes FREAKING DUMB ASS! How long did you drag your feet? As always, sorry comes, much too little, much too late! I begged you on my knees to love her more than you hated me! You turned your back on her! How is that love? I love her so much more than I hate the wrecker B&tch! I never said bad things to her about you! That's so much more than you could ever say! THE SAD TRUTH IS YOU NEVER LOVED HER MORE THAN YOURSELF! You never put her first! That's not love!***
As always please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you help Ahmi. Bill

*** She gave you a priceless, precious gift! Her complete love, trust, adoration! You threw it back in her face because you were not WORTHY!! YOU'LL NEVER RECEIVE SUCH A GIFT AGAIN! The sad thing is, you can't even understand or appreciate how sad that is. What a loss that truly is.***

"HAVE CHILDREN BECOME THE STATES SECRET BOUNTY?"

The Federal Government does pay the state a set bounty on each child adopted from the system. There's also an Adoption Assistance Payment paid to the family each month until the child turns 18. There's also a one time $10,000 tax credit. In fact, we were told during our home study, We qualified for the AAP. That our daughter was considered special needs simply because she was in the system! Even though, we'd raised her from 3 months and her verbal and math skills had scored at a 6/7 year old level before she was even 4! Anyways, the other day the subject of the bounty came up. I began to think and wonder about the children adopted from the system, and the $$ paid out to each of the 50 states. If IRC, it's $4,000 per child.(Disabled children somewhat higher) Three questions came to mind; How many children are adopted each year per state? How much $ does each state receive? How is it recorded and spent? I guess the answers to my questions exist somewhere. If it's public knowledge? I have no idea where the information might be obtained. I believe the Clinton administration had the best intentions when signing the Adoption and Safe Families Act in 1997. When parents can't get it together and get their children back in a timely manner, their children do deserve a loving, stable home. No child should grow up in the system. However, I think they made a huge mistake including the financial incentives/payouts to the State as part of the final law. After all, if "money is the root of all evil", what has been bred the last 15 years within the "CPS" Agency we know today? Considering how much disrespect and degragation parents are shown, is there any interest/incentive in preserving families? In the past year I've asked myself one question many times. How does disrespecting and demeaning parents help to strenghten and reunite families? I know from personal experience that dealing with the system completely strips away someones self esteem. You feel like a complete piece of crap by the time they're done with you. It seems all they want is to have complete control over you and your life. God forbid you don't fall to your knees and do everything they say, exactly how they say to, when they say to do it. I believe the politicians need to try again. IMO, The financial incentives/payments to the State need to be removed from the law. Seems to me, the money has only succeeded in breeding corruption and abuse within a broken system. Power in the wrong hands that is completely out of control! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adoption_and_Safe_Families_Act

"THE CRAP SHE SPEAKS PART 2"

When she was 15 months old, my daughters birth Mom skipped an important court date and vanished for 2 years. At that time parental rights were terminated. A month before my daughters 3rd birthday, I received a letter from her. Basically it said, she'd got her life straightened out and she was ready to be a Mom. Although I was concerned re: her assumption and or perception of reality. As a Mom myself, I could understand her wanting to see the baby, missing her, needing to know how she was doing, etc... Once Genny Wrocklage met with her and let her know where things stood. That rights had been terminated 2 yrs. previously, that we were moving ahead with Adoption, etc... I called her and set up a meeting for the 2 of us as a prerequisite before visiting with the baby. Basically, I just wanted to discuss a happy, low-key, visit that would put the baby's emotions as the top priority. Children grow a lot between 15 months and age 3! I didn't want adult emotions to overwhelm and frighten child ones! Anyways, that night I talked with my daughter about her "Mama S." How she'd come back from a long trip, wanted to visit with her, etc... My daughter's one concern? She asked if she had to go live with her. After I reassured her that no, her home was with us, it was just a visit. She replied, "okay I would like to visit then Mom." The next afternoon I phoned and arranged to meet her at a donut shop in her neighborhood. Now, aside from being 30 mins. late, if the boundaries we'd discussed the day before had been respected, I would have been okay with a visit every 6 months or so. As a Mom, I couldn't imagine life without my son. Although, I never was (fortunately) in her position. I understand the mother love. Unfortunately, she acted in ways that would potentially confuse my daughter and bring chaos into our lives. After discussing it with my husband, I let her know that we felt it was in the baby's best interest to let her grow and develop a little more before arranging any additional visits. I let her know that I'd set up an exclusive email for communication between us and that I would send pics. 2 or 3 times a year. At that point in time, having been completely ignored on the boundaries we'd discussed and agreed on, and having been disrespected several times to my daughter. i.e. She couldn't refer to me as "your Mom or Mom" while talking to the baby. I was "her and she". At one point, my daughter gave me a questioning look. When she took it upon herself to mention holiday plans to my daughter that we had not discussed, it was clear. My daughter deserved to continue growing up with a Mom and a Dad who loved her, in the safe, secure only world she'd known for 3 yrs. After a few years, when her foundation was a little more developed and she had more of an understanding, we'd reassess things. Now, I will tie this post together. As an answer to one of my many requests for a goodbye visit, Genny Wrocklage said,"A visit isn't possible at this time, they're bonding, yadayada. Remember how you felt re: S.? Well now you're S." Okay for one thing, I shared a deep, loving bond with my daughter that only comes with daily, consistent, loving time spent together. During our private meeting, one thing I stated to S., "I respect that you carried her and gave her life." "However, 2 years is a long time at her age. You need to accept and respect, she hasn't been sitting on a shelf waiting for your return. I've been a consistent, loving, part of her life as long as she can remember. You need to be okay that I'm Mom." Since we had a history, I guess I accepted her quick agreement a little quickly myself. Second point, I very much set up the visit understanding S.'s heart and desire as a Mom myself. However, I took time to insure that A.'s best interests were number one priority. Only someone who has no clue would attempt to compare the situations!! I always acted for the good of my dau. I never put my feelings into the equation! Isn't that a Mom? Yes! A true Mom doesn't put her jealousies, insecurities, ahead of what's best for the child! IMO Someone who's incapable of that, Is not and will NEVER be a true, fit, deserving parent! I pray that you giggled and laughed today! My sweet little one Forever and Always, Plus One more Day! XOXO Mom

"WHAT DEFINES MOM"

"The commonest fallacy among women is that simply having children makes one a mother which is as absurd as believing that having a piano makes one a musician."-Sydney J. Harris
"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother." - Oprah Winfrey

"Mom" IMO the greatest title a Woman can have in her lifetime. Aside from growing, carrying, and giving birth to a child. I've been thinking a lot the past ten months about other ways women become "Mom". Genny Wrocklage tried to minimize the relationship I shared with my daughter. In court I was reduced to the "caretaker". For myself, the biggest issue I have re: Social Workers is, they're not parents. They have no concept of being a parent, loving a child. In turn, they can't relate, there's no empathy. They look at the world with a young, inexperienced narrow viewpoint. My son grew under my heart. After 22 excruciating hours, he entered the world. It was love at first sight! 25 years later, a tiny, beautiful little girl came into my life. With the eyes of an old soul, she just lay quietly and looked at me. I wondered what had this baby been through in her first 3 months, that she seemed to look at life through much older eyes? From that first day, she began to grow in my heart. As time passed, she grew and thrived. The bond between us grew stronger as the days turned to weeks, months, and then to years. Along the way there was, life filled with, laughter, joy, love, a tear or two, many milestones to meet, and 3 eye surgerys to conquer. I believe loving, comforting, nurturing, teaching, all that goes into caring for a baby (3 mths.-4 yrs.), are all the acts of a Mom. I love both of my children. They both will always own a piece of my heart. My son showed me the meaning of a pure, emotional, over whelming love. He taught me what it means to love a child. My daughter means the world to me. I miss her and I love her just as much today as I did in Jan. At first, so much of what Genny Wrocklage said to me or about me was devastating. It was months before I finally got mad enough to fight for my self respect and my self esteem. Thus a blog was born. Through writing I've come to realize; She's not a parent. Therefore, she's incapable of relating as one. I will no longer allow her pointless judgements, lies, or statements haunt or define me. I also realize that my little girl will look for me one day soon. I'll have a lot to share with her on that day. I just need be patient and wait. Once we are reunited, we will never be separated again. No matter what the robots at CPS are able to do in the moment, no one will erase the loving bond that connects our hearts. I love you Ahmi! With every beat of my heart. I miss you and I yearn for the day I will see your beautiful face once again. Forever and Always plus One more day! I hope you smiled and laughed today! XOXO Mom

"THE THINGS I MISS"

The list is so incredibly long I don't know where to begin. I miss hearing "Good morning mom". I miss smelling her hair, brushing it out after a bath. I miss the shared giggles and her impish grin. I miss her enthusiasm, her perseverence, and witnessing her pride in her discoveries and accomplishments. I miss her curiosity and fearlessness. I miss her hugs and kisses. I miss making her chocolate chip pancakes knowing she'll eat the chocolate chips and be "full".:)(I know, no nutrition. I believe, sometimes, the memories shared are most important.) I miss reading to her and tucking her into bed at night. I miss her happiness at getting to eat a cookie occasionally in the morning. I miss her laughter and her joy. I miss her questions. I miss the quiet moments. I miss the simple knowing how her day was. If anything special has happened in her life. I guess the list is endless. I'm trying to take a little comfort from the fact that my regrets can be counted on one hand with fingers left over. I think that says something. That's what comes of spending four years, bonding, loving, and watching a child grow. There is a never ending list of things to miss but, to have so few regrets helps lighten my heart a bit. Forever and Always plus One more Day! I pray that you giggled and laughed today sweet girl! XOXO Mom

"TO THE SUBSTITUTE"

Although we haven't met, I already know I can never like or respect you. I begged over and over for the chance to say goodbye to MY sweet angel. I was told "she talks about me all the time." that somehow that was a threat for you. If it wasn't for me loving and bonding with that little girl over the past 4 years, How could she bond with anyone? She's the Awesome little girl she is because of the time and the love that we shared. If that threatens you, too Damn bad! I loved her first. Since she was a tiny baby. I have complete faith that the bond we share will remain. You're never going to erase me from her mind or her heart! When she comes looking for me for the memories only I can share with her, I'll be waiting to reclaim her. You may want to explain how jealous you were re: our bond. So much so, you wouldn't do the decent thing and allow us to say Goodbye. Something we both deserved. Because I will tell her. At this moment in time you have a piece of my heart and soul. I love that child with every beat of my heart. Every breath that I take. I could have been an Allie to you. However, the decision re: a final visit for the 2 of us now makes that impossible. I'll be waiting right here. You have a temporary place in her life. She and I will be reunited. You know nothing of her 1st 4 years. I have her scrapbooks and her baby journals. They'll be with me. The worker fit her in once every 2 to 3 months. She has nothing to fill in. My baby love will look for me one day soon. I'll be waiting with open arms! You'll be the nightmare that temporarily interrupted our lives. Great thing about the Internet, no matter where she or I are, we will be REUNITED! Sooner than you think! Count on it!

LIED TO AND BETRAYED!

Genny Wrecklage was the cold hearted Bitch who lied to me. She led me to believe she respected the bond I shared with my beautiful angel. She got up in court and lied throughout her testimony. She made mention of my many voice mails left for her. Yes, I simply wanted an answer as to when I could visit the baby. I'd never been away from her before. She was already stressed due to being where she was (kiddie jail). I knew she would be upset. Could the witch give me a simple answer? No, she blows me off! What the hell? Was I supposed to laugh and go out clubbing? I needed to know when I'd get to visit my girl. Yet, the courtesy of simply returning my phone call and giving me an answer was beyond her scope of competency and human decency. It was okay for her to blow me off and deny me a simple answer but, it wasn't okay for me not to accept her disrespect. They make the rules. Fall in line, accept and obey them or suffer the consequences. She led me to believe until the end that she was on my side. She stabbed me in the heart as well as, in the back. I did everything she told me to but, in the end, nothing mattered. This evil cold hearted woman wrecked two lives. She is such an EVIL, heartless person that she never even allowed me the chance to say goodbye! I wanted to reassure this innocent child that she did nothing wrong, that I love her and always will. I didn't want her burdened with any thoughts or feelings that I stopped loving her for some reason and left. She does not deserve to carry that bundle around on her shoulders or in her heart! Apparently this emotionally damaging baggage is okay with CPS, because after waiting 6 WEEKS for an answer, DENIED! I cooperated with her 100% but, it didn't matter in the end. I was eradicated from my angels life the day I lost in court, not even allowed to say goodbye! In fact, Miss Wrecklege has continually, cold heartedly turned down every plea I have made to that end! Why is it okay for Social Workers to mentally and emotionally abuse children? To inflict such trauma and devastating damage? Emotionally hurting and scarring them for life is somehow in their best interest?