"DEAR GENNY WRECKLAGE, I NEED YOU TO KNOW.."

I'm not consumed by an overwhelming hatred of you anymore. I do still hate your guts and think you're a two faced backstabbing, lying, witch. I would cross the street rather than ever help you out in an emergency. However, knowing that my blog is tied to you for the rest of time, that any of your so called "accomplishments" are connected with the real you, helps. Heck, the emails between you and Bill have brought over 1,000 views alone. Not that you freaking give a crap but, I ache every minute of every day for my girl. The tears don't fall as often but, my heart will only begin to heal the day that phone call comes. I know 100% it will come. Although you and the substitutes wouldn't allow us closure. The heart doesn't forget. My girl will search. Thank God for the miracle of the Internet. No matter where I may be, I'll always be just a phone call away! My  one regret is that it took me more than a year to read the emails I found on Bill's pc in July of 2011. When he asked me to move in with him 2/3/11, I thought his motivation was the $ he'd been court ordered to start paying me that very day. I now know he'd already hatched a plan to try and destroy me any way he could. I'm glad I ignored his pleas to cancel the divorce papers. I have no doubt he wanted to refile as the plaintiff. Wow! You were in bed with a diabolical, twisted, lying, abusive sack of crap. Yet, you've never seemed to get that. Yet, you're in charge of "...best interests of children..." How screwed up is that? You're college degree that Daddy paid for might look nice but, it's no better than toilet paper. You don't know crap about the human psyche nor about loving/being a parent. I hope and pray for the day when your agency is put in check and there is finally oversight to everything that is done in, "..the best interest of the child.." When there is no longer a $4,000 bounty on a child's life. When the corrupted curtain of secrecy is finally ripped away from the Juvenile court, "the best interest of the child" may finally be served! p.s. I won't bother signing this. You know very well who I am. A copy of this email will be posted to my blog by the end of today. Unlike yourself, I don't have anything to hide. lynmco-childpunishingservice.blogspot.com "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." - Theodor Geisel    LMC

"DEAR SWEET AHMI GIRL(LITTLE ONE)"

Genny Wrocklage refused to allow us any chance for closure. No goodbye, no closure. 500+ days. I'm starting to realize the pain is mine to carry until the day we meet again.
Wow 5 1/2 years old! Not so little anymore! Kindergarten will be starting soon. Are you excited? I remember when you were 2. You wanted to go to big kid school. Like "your kids" Sam and A.J. What do you know? The time is almost here. I'm sure you've grown and learned so much over the past year and a half! I often wonder; Do you still like elephants, tea parties, the beach, flip flops, chocolate? Is Jasmine still your favorite princess? Do you still silk? I miss your silks! I bet your hair is so long! Like I always said, I'm sure you skipped breakfast the day they were handing out the good hair gene. I'm sure you were first in line! Lol! Do you still play little tricks to hear others laughter? I miss your sweet impish grin every day! I pray everyday that your heart is light and the sound of your sweet laughter is heard often. The sound of your laughter and giggles makes the world a much better place! I hope that wonderful sound often brightens the world around you! You deserve so much laughter and joy! I hope and pray you are happy and well! Although we weren't able to say goodbye, I've never stopped loving or thinking about you! I'm so very sorry that I just disappeared from your life without saying goodbye. I need you to know, understand, and to believe that it wasn't your fault! You could never do or say anything that would cause me to go away or to ever stop loving you! Ever since you were a little baby I've said,"I'll Love You Forever and Always Plus One More Day!" That has always been true. Forever and always it will be true! You're the kindest, sweetest, smartest, bestest little girl ever! Just as we always told you, you're beautiful on the inside as well as the outside! That makes you very special! Lots of people have outer beauty. However, many of them don't have the beautiful heart that you do! It was a joy and a privilege to be a part of your life! Someday when you're grown, I would love to sit and share so many awesome memories with you. I have your scrapbook, baby journals, and your dvd. I will keep them safe until the day I pass them on to you alone! Every night I look up at the moon. I pray you giggled and laughed that day. I always say, "I love you sweetest Ahmi girl. Forever and Always plus One More Day!" Until the day we are reunited, I hold you close within my heart! Sending you tons of hugs and kisses, and oceans full of love! Mom p.s. Chris and Terry are having a baby girl in Sept. Right after school starts. Her name will be Adriana Rose. I'm making a pink and white blanket for her. Also making a small scrapbook. Well, I'm decorating the pages. They'll add the pics. I LOVE YOU!

"HAPPY NEW YEAR"

Happiest New Year my sweetest little love! Ahmi sweet girl I hope your holiday and birthday were happy! You so greatly deserve only happiness! Every moment of every day you are in my heart and in my thoughts. Two days are approaching fast that I've anticipated with dread. The day you were taken from me. Then the day Genny Wrocklage lied and betrayed us in court before she gave you away to the substitutes. 2011 was the most difficult and challenging year I've ever faced. I must admit I was glad to see it come to an end. I've resolved to embrace all future holidays/milestones rather than to dread them. Because I've come to realize, that each one that passes, brings our possible reunion one step closer. Every night I pray that you giggled and laughed that wonderful laugh of yours that always embraced everyone around you. I also pray your pain has lessened. I don't want any burden carried upon your shoulders. You were an innocent victim of bad decisions made by 2 adults you trusted (who regrettably, let you down) and a broken corrupt system run by people who are so caught up in the fantasy of being gods they've lost all sense of their humanity. I don't know what you've been told, I need you to know there are two sides to every story and I hope to have the chance to tell you mine. I Love you now as much as I always have, as much as I always will! From this moment on, I will welcome each passing day with appreciation. I will remember for each special day we miss, we are one day closer to the reunion I dream of and look forward to. I Love you Forever and Always plus One more Day! XOXO Mom

"ONE DAY WE'LL BE REUNITED"

Each night before I close my eyes, I pray you laughed and giggled that day. I'll never forget the 1st time I saw you. 12lbs, a tiny little one. I would put you in the snuggly, and use my knit cape to keep you warm. A gorgeous, black, full head of hair. You had more hair at 3 1/2 mths than a lot of 2 year olds have even grown in 2 yrs. Big, beautiful, dark eyes. The eyes of an old soul! I was very curious of why the sweetest little china doll baby girl was watching me with eyes of an old, old soul. What life experiences could you possibly have been through during the brief moment in time since your birth? Do you remember your Barney? We got you your 1st one w/in 10 days of your arrival. The visiting Nurse who came once a month your 1st year suggested a lovey to comfort you during any moments of stress. When you 1st came, any time you were distressed, i.e.bath time, diaper change,... You would pull your hair so hard it would stand straight out from the sides of your head. I tried putting socks on your hands until I could ask the Nurse. Miss Donna thought you were doing it as a self comforting attempt. So Barney became an important part of your life during the next 2 1/2 yrs. I would rub the silky side up and down your arm, leg, belly,...You were attached and redirected rather quickly. You loved it being stroked gently all over your face, lips, tip of nose, especially when you were tired. You would grow and name it "silking". I think there were 3 Barneys altogether. We got an extra after almost losing Barney #1. Then we got you another when the fleece side wasn't so fluffy anymore. You always preferred the original! Lol! Between the ages 2-3, every morning you'd come in my bedroom w/ your b., blanket, and Barney. "Here's Ahmi and her 3 B's.." was our saying back then. There was a brief time when I'd have to sneak him in the washer although, you always agreed that he smelt better after a wash and dry. Lol! From the very first day of your arrival you stole my heart. Your sweet laughter filled our hearts and the house with joy. One day I pray we'll be reunited. I will once again wrap my arms around you and I hope you'll be at home. I pray you giggled and laughed today my sweetest Ahmi girl. I Love you Forever and Always plus One more Day!! XOXO Mom **Edited 12/24/2011

"DEAR SWEET GIRL"

Dear Sweetest Ahmi girl, I pray you giggled and laughed today. That your heart is somewhat lighter. Even though the substitutes and Genny Wrecklage wouldn't allow us the chance to say goodbye, I just know within my heart that we will be reunited and we'll be together at Christmas again one day. For now, I wish you the Merriest Christmas and the Happiest 5th birthday! It seems like just yesterday you were 2 and claiming to be five so you could "be big like A.J and Sam". I think about you often. Do you still like Elephants? Tea parties? Flip flops? Do you still take your shoes off the 1st chance you get? Do you still silk? I miss your silks. I miss you my sweet baby love and think of you everytime I see the moon. I send a kiss and a hug to you each night before I go to bed. Be happy my sweetest girl as you so deserve to be. I love you Forever and Always plus One more Day! Till we see each other again, I hold you in my heart. XOXO Mom

"DEAR MISS WRECKLAGE"

Miss Wrecklage, just want to say Happy Holidays! May karma deliver for you in 2012! Aside from the lies and hurtful things that came  from your mouth, I can NEVER forget that you allowed Bully Bastard Bill (liar and spouse abuser) to see her that one last time. Yet, your evil, black hearted, backstabbing self refused her and I the humane, compassionate, chance for transition and closure! Because they were jealous she was talking about me all the time?? WTF?? They can't understand our bond? Garbage! Passing time till she contacts me. And, she will! Our hearts are bonded w/ love! Something you have no clue about. My blog (billboard) is waiting right there. I come up on all the major search engines! People all over the world UK, Germany, Ireland, Russia... read my blog! Since July 58 people have found my blog due to you. They may have been checking your name for something else. Regardless, they found me. 1,600 views in 4 months! I'm very pleased! Deny it all you like I saw the way she looked at you when you made that stupid comment at Polinsky's. Like you were insane or had two heads! You may consider Child Development. You mentally and emotionally abused her those 2 days! Only you! Try to blame Bill and I all you like. You alone own it! It doesn't matter if you're honest or not. We both know you're a liar! We (you and I) both heard what she said! I know I was wrong not to have him locked up in Sept 2009. I guess you don't know fear. I now know I should have kept my mouth shut! I let the anger re: the lie he told licensing get the better of me. I'd say I paid the worst price! Yet, you had to make it even worse by not allowing me the chance to say goodbye. You're the most evil, cold hearted b&tch I've ever met! Yes, I pray every night that the Karma you've earned catches you. I pray it's painful, drawn out, and rips your heart and soul apart! I pray you rot in the fires of hell! I know 100% she'll look for me. Thank God for the Internet! It's a small, small world!! Tick tick tick.....

"DEAR SUBSTITUTE part 2"

  Dear Substitute, Although we've never met, one little girl connects us. Because of your inhumane, devastating decision not to allow My daughter and I the chance to say goodbye, I can never respect you. You have no right to claim the title of "Mom". Your decision against us having closure, was in your best interests not Ahmi's. If the situation had been reversed, as a Mom myself, I can assure you I would have allowed the goodbye for Ahmi's sake. Part of being a Mother is putting your child's interests before your own petty jealousies and insecurities. I'd like you to consider this, the bond between her and I, the one that was so "threatening", that same bond allows her to bond with others. Yes, she was raised with love, attention, nurturing, patience, affection, enrichment, encouragement, etc... It's because of us that she's the Loving, Inquisitive, Joyful, Sweet, Kind, Bright, Awesome little girl that she is. Yes, I had a rotten marriage. I was/am a GREAT Mom! Obviously a better one than yourself. I put aside my feelings and arranged a visit with her B. mother. Despite having had to deal with S.  the first 15 months and to be honest, having felt relieved when she vanished. I did it for Ahmi. What will you say when she finds out you wouldn't allow her and I the chance to say goodbye? Will you be honest and tell her that you were jealous? That your feelings were more important? Nice mothering! Obviously putting her Interests before your own was something you were incapable of. Although for now you have the privilege of sharing her life, never forget I am waiting. I have constructed a well lit path for her to follow one day. If and when she searches for me, I will show the same compassion I received from you. Be assured on that day I will do everything in my power to take her from you! In fact I will not rest until I completely sever any ties between the two of you. You can do your best to erase me from her mind. Our hearts are bonded with love. You will not erase me from her heart. I have something you never will, the important years and all the memories that belong to her and I exclusively. She's going to want all of that knowledge. I'll be waiting with her baby journals and her scrapbook. Waiting to reclaim her. You should pray each night that she doesn't become a rebellious teen. If she EVER reaches out to me, I will always be her safe harbor. She always will be welcome and safe with me. I would never betray her! I'm right here, waiting. I believe the day will come...I pray you giggled and laughed today Sweetest Girl! I Love you Forever and Always plus One more Day! XOXO Mom ** Edited 12/24/2011

"SWINGING"

I'll never forget Ms. Mary's outdoor class (or Ms. Helen's indoor one). AKA Parent participation classes. Those were some special times for us. We definitely went to a lot of parks and places we otherwise may not have known about. We started Ms. Helen when you were 15 months old. We were in her class until you were 2 1/2. You changed SO much! It was a joy and a privilage to share that special time. You learned and grew So quickly! Then of course, Ms. Mary's. We had an awesome 2 yrs. in her outdoor classroom! I always remember one of those days and smile! You were about 3 1/2. We were walking towards the swings and I asked you if you wanted to swing together. You sat on my lap facing me and I began to pump my legs. "Higher Mom, go higher." So after making sure you held on tight, and, clasping my hands behind you. I went higher. It was a beautiful spring day, a nice gentle breeze. It almost seemed we were flying! We looked at each other and began to giggle. You leaned your head back, closed your eyes, opened them and began chuckling. "Do that Mom. It tickles your tummy. Try it." So, I did. We laughed and laughed! It's a heart memory that I'll remember always. I Love You! Forever and Always plus One More Day! I hope you giggled and laughed today sweetest girl. XOXO Mom

"TO THE BEST GIRL"

To my sweet darling girl, First I want to say how very, very sorry I am for the trauma you've been put through this year. I'm sorry I lost our home and that you had to go to that HORRIBLE place(Polinsky). I'm also extremely sorry that I told Genny Wrocklage something out of anger that I'd kept quiet about for 15 months. I never should have trusted her, should have kept it to myself and in fact, should have taken it to the grave. Opening up to her was a big part of why you weren't returned to me. That is something I regret to this day and always will. I pray every day that you aren't blaming yourself for ANYTHING! Although, at four, I fear that is in fact the case. Sweetheart if I'd been allowed to see you, I would have assured you that, Absolutely nothing that happened was your fault! Not for a minute have I stopped loving you! You could never do anything that would cause that to happen! I love and miss you so much. Always and Forever plus One more day. Do you remember how I always told you about me wishing for a little girl when I was a little girl? How you were my dream come true? That is as true today as it always was. I begged many times for the chance to see you and say goodbye. There were different excuses about why I couldn't. Once, it was "she's talking about you too much, you're a threat to what they're trying to build with her." Although I'm not sure who's interest they were thinking of, yours or theirs? Another time Genny Wrocklage said "It's obvious you're still very angry with me and I don't see that a visit would be beneficial at this time." As if my anger at her would ever be greater than my love for you. It wouldn't but, she never gave me that chance. Although she told me at one time she understood that I was your Mom. That she respected the love and bond we shared, she never respected it enough to do the decent, human thing and allow us to have the chance to say goodbye. Sweet girl I pray each day your heart is a little happier and that you don't carry any of this on your shoulders. You were/are the best little girl any parents could hope for. Life with you was a joy and a privilege. I think about you all the time and anxiously await the day we might be reunited. Until then, a piece of my heart and soul is missing. The day I see you again is when I will once again be complete. I love you beautiful girl! Forever and Always, plus One more day! I pray you smiled and laughed today my sweetest girl! XOXO Mom

"WHAT DEFINES MOM"

"The commonest fallacy among women is that simply having children makes one a mother which is as absurd as believing that having a piano makes one a musician."-Sydney J. Harris
"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother." - Oprah Winfrey

"Mom" IMO the greatest title a Woman can have in her lifetime. Aside from growing, carrying, and giving birth to a child. I've been thinking a lot the past ten months about other ways women become "Mom". Genny Wrocklage tried to minimize the relationship I shared with my daughter. In court I was reduced to the "caretaker". For myself, the biggest issue I have re: Social Workers is, they're not parents. They have no concept of being a parent, loving a child. In turn, they can't relate, there's no empathy. They look at the world with a young, inexperienced narrow viewpoint. My son grew under my heart. After 22 excruciating hours, he entered the world. It was love at first sight! 25 years later, a tiny, beautiful little girl came into my life. With the eyes of an old soul, she just lay quietly and looked at me. I wondered what had this baby been through in her first 3 months, that she seemed to look at life through much older eyes? From that first day, she began to grow in my heart. As time passed, she grew and thrived. The bond between us grew stronger as the days turned to weeks, months, and then to years. Along the way there was, life filled with, laughter, joy, love, a tear or two, many milestones to meet, and 3 eye surgerys to conquer. I believe loving, comforting, nurturing, teaching, all that goes into caring for a baby (3 mths.-4 yrs.), are all the acts of a Mom. I love both of my children. They both will always own a piece of my heart. My son showed me the meaning of a pure, emotional, over whelming love. He taught me what it means to love a child. My daughter means the world to me. I miss her and I love her just as much today as I did in Jan. At first, so much of what Genny Wrocklage said to me or about me was devastating. It was months before I finally got mad enough to fight for my self respect and my self esteem. Thus a blog was born. Through writing I've come to realize; She's not a parent. Therefore, she's incapable of relating as one. I will no longer allow her pointless judgements, lies, or statements haunt or define me. I also realize that my little girl will look for me one day soon. I'll have a lot to share with her on that day. I just need be patient and wait. Once we are reunited, we will never be separated again. No matter what the robots at CPS are able to do in the moment, no one will erase the loving bond that connects our hearts. I love you Ahmi! With every beat of my heart. I miss you and I yearn for the day I will see your beautiful face once again. Forever and Always plus One more day! I hope you smiled and laughed today! XOXO Mom

"THE THINGS I MISS"

The list is so incredibly long I don't know where to begin. I miss hearing "Good morning mom". I miss smelling her hair, brushing it out after a bath. I miss the shared giggles and her impish grin. I miss her enthusiasm, her perseverence, and witnessing her pride in her discoveries and accomplishments. I miss her curiosity and fearlessness. I miss her hugs and kisses. I miss making her chocolate chip pancakes knowing she'll eat the chocolate chips and be "full".:)(I know, no nutrition. I believe, sometimes, the memories shared are most important.) I miss reading to her and tucking her into bed at night. I miss her happiness at getting to eat a cookie occasionally in the morning. I miss her laughter and her joy. I miss her questions. I miss the quiet moments. I miss the simple knowing how her day was. If anything special has happened in her life. I guess the list is endless. I'm trying to take a little comfort from the fact that my regrets can be counted on one hand with fingers left over. I think that says something. That's what comes of spending four years, bonding, loving, and watching a child grow. There is a never ending list of things to miss but, to have so few regrets helps lighten my heart a bit. Forever and Always plus One more Day! I pray that you giggled and laughed today sweet girl! XOXO Mom

"I COULDN'T LOVE YOU MORE"

All my life, I wished for you, ever since I was a little girl. I was blessed with a son. I was much too young and immature yet, he was loved wholeheartedly. Many years passed and I'd almost accepted that I'd never have a daughter to love. Then you came into my life. A serious, beautiful tiny girl. With your eyes of an old soul, you stole my heart away. I nurtured you, sang to you, played with you, nursed you through illness. Most of all, I simply Loved you. I watched you grow and thrive. Although you didn't grow under my heart, you grew in my HEART. I loved you deeply and completely! One day an Evil Bitch, Genny Wrocklage took you away and gave you to strangers. Although she took a piece of my heart and soul, she can NEVER take our love and our bond! I'm waiting for the day my sweet girl when we WILL be reunited! I will tell you all about the magical, wonderful, brief 4 years I got to love you. I will tell you about the people who wouldn't allow us the human decency of the chance to say Goodbye! I'm waiting sweetheart! Waiting for your contact! I love you sweetest girl! Forever and Always, plus One more day!

"HOW DOES ONE JUST MOVE ON?"

The depression I've sunk into since the start of the year just seems to get deeper. Although my head knows that life must go on, my heart is shattered. It's been made so much worse by the fact, that we were denied the chance to say goodbye! There's no closure only a devastating sense of loss. Although I've begged many times, my pleas always fell on deaf ears. My role now reduced to a "former caretaker." Our deep, loving bond minimized. Apparently, the fact that my baby talked about me all the time was "a threat to what they were trying to build with her." Excuse me but, who's interests are we concerned with? The child's or the adults? If my role was so minimal, why does it matter how often she talks about me? On the other hand, why would she talk about me all the time if we didn't share a bond? Just one more example of a Social Worker speaking yet, nothing of substance coming out of her mouth. You're supposed to just accept what the worker says without argument. I'll be the first to admit, that just isn't me. My mouth combined with my emotions=trouble. Because if you display emotions, well, there must be something wrong with you. The whole system SUCKS! A broken system run by broken people if you ask me. I mean WTF? You love and nurture a child for 4 years. One day she's there, the next gone. Not even allowed to say goodbye. How the hell do you just turn and walk away? How do you not feel overwhelmed with devastating grief and anger? It's been 199 days and the pain is just as raw today as it was in Jan.

"TO THE SUBSTITUTE"

Although we haven't met, I already know I can never like or respect you. I begged over and over for the chance to say goodbye to MY sweet angel. I was told "she talks about me all the time." that somehow that was a threat for you. If it wasn't for me loving and bonding with that little girl over the past 4 years, How could she bond with anyone? She's the Awesome little girl she is because of the time and the love that we shared. If that threatens you, too Damn bad! I loved her first. Since she was a tiny baby. I have complete faith that the bond we share will remain. You're never going to erase me from her mind or her heart! When she comes looking for me for the memories only I can share with her, I'll be waiting to reclaim her. You may want to explain how jealous you were re: our bond. So much so, you wouldn't do the decent thing and allow us to say Goodbye. Something we both deserved. Because I will tell her. At this moment in time you have a piece of my heart and soul. I love that child with every beat of my heart. Every breath that I take. I could have been an Allie to you. However, the decision re: a final visit for the 2 of us now makes that impossible. I'll be waiting right here. You have a temporary place in her life. She and I will be reunited. You know nothing of her 1st 4 years. I have her scrapbooks and her baby journals. They'll be with me. The worker fit her in once every 2 to 3 months. She has nothing to fill in. My baby love will look for me one day soon. I'll be waiting with open arms! You'll be the nightmare that temporarily interrupted our lives. Great thing about the Internet, no matter where she or I are, we will be REUNITED! Sooner than you think! Count on it!