"WE DON'T GO HAND IN HAND"

I've seen a few postings from people on different sites which seem to lump foster's and SW's into an interchangeable unit. I've also seen $ mentioned as if it's some sort of an incentive for fostering. Speaking for myself, the decision to foster had nothing to do with money. I made 4x more money working at my job, than what I would ever receive in reimbursement from the state. Believe me, it's no windfall. In my case it was an empty nest that came too soon and a heart full of love that wanted to help a baby. I never thought about the workers or about the redundant bureaucracy that I would soon have to deal with. If I had known what I was in for, maybe I would have thought twice. On second thought, probably not. After all, I did have the privilege of sharing four special years with a very special little girl. The two challenges of fostering did turn out to be the parents and the workers. During your initial training class it's presented as"a united team all working together to help support and reunite families". The reality is a little more complicated. Working with the majority of my parents turned out okay. A couple were very resentful re: their situation and did tend to redirect the anger. I learned to let that roll off my back. I had nothing to do with it. I was there for the children. IMO the ones who were angry, were the ones who needed CPS intervention desperately. As for the Social Workers, two of my daughters early workers were top notch! They visited monthly, were on top of everything. They stayed with her case long term. We lost the first one only because my daughter's case was transferred into adoptions at 15 months. The other unfortunately moved away to get married. I hated saying goodbye to her. Unfortunately the majority of social workers must have heavy case loads. I don't know for sure, I never asked. However, I do know that sometimes missing paperwork took weeks to appear. I do know that required monthly visits sometimes don't happen. Phone calls weren't always returned the same day. Sometimes not even in the same week. I know SW's are very busy and I know the job is challenging, potentially overwhelming at times. You learn very quickly that the, "united team, working together" theme from the training? It's bologna! For the most part, you're on your own. Sometimes vital information isn't passed along. Yet, you're expected to manage, make do, figure it out. There are so many rules and regulations you need to follow. So many things that can get you into trouble. The licensing workers are a whole separate group involved in your life. Not to mention the children's Attys. and their Investigators. Although, Attys. seem to rotate out about every 6 months. This past Jan. was the 1st time in 4 years that I actually ever saw one of the Attys. Within this large network of people there are really no resources or support for the foster parents. There's an "omsbudsman" supposedly there for the FP. My experience, don't waste your time! It's like a bee hive. They all swarm around to protect it. The only true support was provided by a small number of foster parents who've been doing/dealing with it all for many, many years. They host the different monthly training/support groups. They're really the only ones that end up providing answers, guidance, and emotional support. Except for the 2 workers I mentioned, I never felt I was part of a team. Mostly, I felt like I took care of all the daily parts of life the workers had no time for. Nor any interest in.

"THE CRAP SHE SPEAKS"

It was horrible enough when Genny Wrocklage gave my beloved little girl to strangers. Yet, somehow, every time she opened her mouth she managed to make it even worse! Such as her comment "She's young enough to forget about you, and go on to have a happy life." Yes, I suppose one could make that stretch and work life out the way they wished it to be. Goodness knows four year olds and babies could be comparable if we talk enough! What's four years of bonding, loving, building memories? Couldn't possibly be important enough to matter to a child who's only four! "She's a very bright child, with a lot of promise. I want to see her placed with a loving family who will help her to become all she can be." Excuse me, seeing as how we've known for quite some time just how bright she is. We also witnessed her growing into the awesome little girl she is. We saw that daily in many ways. How the hell did she come so far? She certainly didn't sit by herself in a corner and magically grow that way! No Miss Social Wrecker, that's what happens when a child has love, attention, time spent playing, reading, laughing, activities, etc...The witch tried to credit nature and DNA. She'd much rather minimize nurture and environment. Bull crap! Well considering that little girl was being starved when she first came to us, gee, I wonder how much better off her brain was back then? Also, if nature is prevalent, does that mean she's doomed to a future of prostitution and drugs? Of course not! Just one more example of a Social Wreckers mouth moving and nothing important or anything of substance being spoken! It seemed she'd say anything to minimize, and/or ignore the relationship that we shared. Proof in point, she was so negative in court re: me. She totally blew off the excellent evaluation my angel had recently undergone. Never mentioned any of the outstanding things the psychologist had said re: that eval. How impressed she was with my daughter. She never mentioned how my daughter stated that she loved me and wanted to be with me. After getting totally creamed by 2 veteran attorneys. I was devastated and standing in the hallway outside the courtroom. The Bitch had the nerve to come up to me and say, "you have to admit I was fair." I couldn't believe the gall! She's lucky we were in a courthouse! I mean she along with her two experienced attorneys,(both of whom strongly objected to the court appointing me a Lawyer.) had just torn me apart in the travesty they called a trial. She'd basically revealed her evil, lying true self to me. I understood finally that she'd stabbed me in the back. That she'd never been on my side. I'd done everything she said, including, filing for Divorce. It had got me nowhere! I still hadn't really absorbed all the lies she testified to in the courtroom. And, she's looking for compliments on how she screwed me but,"You have to admit that I was fair." Got to hand it to her, I could never be so incredibly cold hearted, evil, cluless, ballsy, ignorant...

"SHE'S NOT A CARROT"

For a period of 9 months while my husband and I were going to counseling, working on the home study, etc... My daughter became a carrot. Anytime I questioned something, didn't agree with a worker, etc... Out came the threat,"We could just come pick her up if you want, We can just find another placement,...I lived in constant fear from Spring 2009 until that fall. One day, I was talking to a worker. I didn't like the couples counselor we'd seen a total of 3 times. His office was also 90 minutes round trip, very much out of our way. So I'd asked if we could please switch to someone closer. Right away he started, "Well if you don't want to cooperate, the baby's Atty. has serious concerns re: this placement, yada yada yada..." Well it just so happened it was our 2nd rotation with the current Investigator. I knew her and she'd had nothing but praise when she came to the house. I informed him that I was going to call and speak to her in person. He immediately starts trying to back track."Well if they decide to remove her, there won't be anything we can do..." I politely said I understood. I called her immediately, asked her if the Atty. was concerned and/or considering removal? It was news to her, she had no knowledge of the kind and asked where the info. had come from? I informed her what had been going on, about the threats I'd been dealing with, everything. She let me know she'd be looking into it first thing in the morning. Well it was the one and only time I felt the right thing had been done! I never asked what was said, but, I do know, that was the last time the baby was used as a threat! I'm sure the worker was ticked off but, I lost no sleep over it!

I PRAY MY ANGEL ISN'T FEELING EVEN 1/4 THE PAIN I DO...

Back in Jan. after the TDM, I was informed they were going to place the baby somewhere else. I immediately filed papers with the court objecting to the removal. Genny Wrocklage imposed a 2 day period when I wasn't allowed to see my baby. She said she had to supervise the first one and that she was busy. When I finally got to visit, I sensed my daughter was upset w/ me due to the fact that she wouldn't look me in the eye when the visit started. Towards the end of the hour, she let me know for sure that she was upset with me. She began hitting towards me as I was trying to help w/ something. I started saying," I know you're angry w/ me, I understand, It's okay, I'm sorry I wasn't here for 2 days, etc..." My beautiful, innocent girl broke down crying, she said,"where were you Mommy, I needed you, you didn't come,..." The worker, who was supervising this visit, leaned over and said," remember, I told you Mommy had to finish some errands for me before she could come visit?" WHAT?! Even my 4 year old looked at her like she was insane. How the hell is a 4 year old supposed to understand that ridiculous statement? Anyone WHO'S a parent knows that to a 4 year old, the world is about them, and they're the center of the universe. I couldn't believe a so called professional would make such a RIDICULOUS statement! I would think Child Development would be a required part of their course load in college! Then she climbed into my lap saying," rock me like a baby Mommy, like you used to." I choked back my tears and sat on the floor rocking her. Adding insult to injury, the SW and I exit the building. Devastated by the stress and trauma of my child, I say something re: being sorry for her pain and my contribution to the current situation. The SW, having been present, having clearly heard the exact words my child had said, instead of owning her responsibility for the trauma and pain my child suffered those 2 days, She flipped the blame onto my h. and I!"Yes, you and Bill provided a very poor environment in recent months." Granted, it's true the first 6 months of our separation had been an adjustment, a challenge. You don't throw off 23 years of marriage overnight. However, to clarify, my daughter at no time mentioned anything but her distress during the 2 days I was absent! If 2 days had such an effect on her, it rips my heart out to imagine what my sweet girl is experiencing now. Considering I WAS NEVER ALLOWED TO SAY GOODBYE TO HER!

HOW DOES ONE BEGIN TO MOVE ON?

When you Love, Nurture, Guide, Nurse, Share a child's life for 4 years, and suddenly they're ripped from your world, how do you move on? Especially when you're not even allowed to say Goodbye. When you're cut from their life like some piece of diseased flesh, as if you never shared a bond or attachment, how can one expect to move on from that experience? I was cruelly cut off from my baby's life. Not allowed any closure. How the hell am I supposed to move on and forget? Although the deep bond I share with this child was ignored, minimized, never the less, it exists. Although the emotional damage to both she and I was disregarded by the so called "child protection service workers", does that make our attachment any less real or any less important?

ARE FEDERAL ADOPTION PAYMENTS SUPPLEMENTING BROKEN STATE BUDGETS?

One day I followed a link to the site: FightCPS.com and I read the report from a former Georgian Senator. One thing in that report stands out in my mind to this day. I think it applies to every state. All the positions that depend on the CPS agency; court personnel, therapists, Social Workers, etc... This was the 1st time it occurred to me, kids in this country are being turned into commodities. A lot of people depend on this broken system for a paycheck. If the system was fixed, maybe jobs would be lost. Where's the motivation to fix a broken system? Who's best interest is served by the current system? The support staff or the children? There's a misconception that Foster families take a large part of this money. This is not true. In San Diego, the institution gets a large amount of $ each month per child. Private homes by comparison, get a pittance. The state gets a check from the Federal Gov.($4,000)for each child adopted. A slippery slope where it's more to their benefit to adopt children out rather than doing what's best for the children?

"DISCRIMINATION!"

In March of 2011 she discriminated against me. I requested the same thing my spouse did, a visit with my baby. After she kept me waiting for 6 WEEKS, she tried to impose conditions on my visiting (that she never tried to impose on my spouse and he didn't have to wait), I was told "because of my anger towards her, No". As if my hatred towards her could ever be greater than the love for my daughter! Egotistical Bitch! DISCRIMINATION COMMITTED BY AN AGENT OF THE STATE! Trying to get justice for this has been a challenge. I will not quit however till there is some justice for myself as well as for my daughter! This social worker HAS NO children, barely knew my daughter(although, required by law to come by once a month, she NEVER was consistent) yet, was allowed to destroy her life! The previous worker came by every month, like clockwork. I never knew when Genny Wrocklage would come by. She seemed to try and fit the baby in every other month or so, if she had the time. Visiting my daughter never seemed to be a priority with her!

SCREWED AND BROKEN BY THE SYSTEM!

I was a licensed foster parent from 1/07-1/11 in San Diego Ca. In April of 2007 a beautiful 3 1/2 month angel was placed in our home. There were a few challenges but, we overcame them and she thrived. When she was 15 months old, bio mom lost her rights and we were asked about our interest in adopting. We began the home study but, also at this time some issues came up in our marriage so at the same time we were involved in services to address them. During this time the child continued to thrive. We both doted on her and her 2 evaluations were off the chart. She was a loving, bright, happy, curious, child who was very much loved. In Aug. 2010 my spouse moved out. Though he would continue to be a part of her life, I would be the only one allowed to adopt. Having my 23 year old marriage come to an end was difficult to accept and I spent more time than I should have during the fall focusing on that. I did end up losing the house we rented in Jan. At this time, cps took my sweet little girl(now 4 yrs.). Although I quickly (w/in 3 weeks) had taken all the steps needed to turn things around(housing,income,filed for divorce)they informed me they wouldn't be placing her back with me. We went to court. My request for an atty. was denied and 4 days later, faced with 2 veteran Attys., and lies the Social worker testified to, I lost. Just like that, she was gone from my life. I wasn't even allowed to say goodbye!