"HAVE CHILDREN BECOME THE STATES SECRET BOUNTY?"

The Federal Government does pay the state a set bounty on each child adopted from the system. There's also an Adoption Assistance Payment paid to the family each month until the child turns 18. There's also a one time $10,000 tax credit. In fact, we were told during our home study, We qualified for the AAP. That our daughter was considered special needs simply because she was in the system! Even though, we'd raised her from 3 months and her verbal and math skills had scored at a 6/7 year old level before she was even 4! Anyways, the other day the subject of the bounty came up. I began to think and wonder about the children adopted from the system, and the $$ paid out to each of the 50 states. If IRC, it's $4,000 per child.(Disabled children somewhat higher) Three questions came to mind; How many children are adopted each year per state? How much $ does each state receive? How is it recorded and spent? I guess the answers to my questions exist somewhere. If it's public knowledge? I have no idea where the information might be obtained. I believe the Clinton administration had the best intentions when signing the Adoption and Safe Families Act in 1997. When parents can't get it together and get their children back in a timely manner, their children do deserve a loving, stable home. No child should grow up in the system. However, I think they made a huge mistake including the financial incentives/payouts to the State as part of the final law. After all, if "money is the root of all evil", what has been bred the last 15 years within the "CPS" Agency we know today? Considering how much disrespect and degragation parents are shown, is there any interest/incentive in preserving families? In the past year I've asked myself one question many times. How does disrespecting and demeaning parents help to strenghten and reunite families? I know from personal experience that dealing with the system completely strips away someones self esteem. You feel like a complete piece of crap by the time they're done with you. It seems all they want is to have complete control over you and your life. God forbid you don't fall to your knees and do everything they say, exactly how they say to, when they say to do it. I believe the politicians need to try again. IMO, The financial incentives/payments to the State need to be removed from the law. Seems to me, the money has only succeeded in breeding corruption and abuse within a broken system. Power in the wrong hands that is completely out of control! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adoption_and_Safe_Families_Act

"CORRECT NAMES"

One afternoon in the fall of 2010 we were at the neighborhood CVS. While I was paying, you were standing next to me doing little jumps while you waited. Suddenly you said, "Ow I hurt my vagina." The young kid behind the counter started laughing hysterically. "What did she say?" You politely repeated, "I hurt my vagina." Which set him off again. Of course you were very confused by his laughter. After all, you had hurt yourself and his reaction made no sense. As we left the store you asked me why he'd laughed when you hurt yourself. I explained to you that some people were very uncomfortable with the words "penis and vagina." I went on, "in our house we use the correct terms because it's important that you're always comfortable talking about your body. No matter what you can always come to me with any questions or problems, I'm here for you." Though we did agree that while out in public from then on, you'd tell me quietly so we'd avoid embarrassing anyone else. :) I hope those people have no hang ups re: correct names. I pray they didn't react the wrong way the first time you used the word vagina. If they have any sense they'll get over any hang ups they may have and realize that keeping children safe means encouraging open, honest communication from a young age. Just as I did with Chris years ago, I'd been following the very same philosophy with you. I hope they haven't done anything that would shame you. Just as I told you once, everyone has a body. Our bodies are special and private. No one has the right to touch you if you don't want them to. And they definitely don't have the right to do anything that scares you or feels bad. Remember, good secrets make you or someone else feel happy. Any secret that makes you unhappy or sad should be told right away. There's nothing wrong with using the correct names of our body parts. It's the adults/parents with their hang ups/issues who are wrong. I pray you giggled and laughed today little one. I love you sweetest girl. Forever and Always plus One more Day. XOXO Mom

"THE CRAP SHE SPEAKS PART 2"

When she was 15 months old, my daughters birth Mom skipped an important court date and vanished for 2 years. At that time parental rights were terminated. A month before my daughters 3rd birthday, I received a letter from her. Basically it said, she'd got her life straightened out and she was ready to be a Mom. Although I was concerned re: her assumption and or perception of reality. As a Mom myself, I could understand her wanting to see the baby, missing her, needing to know how she was doing, etc... Once Genny Wrocklage met with her and let her know where things stood. That rights had been terminated 2 yrs. previously, that we were moving ahead with Adoption, etc... I called her and set up a meeting for the 2 of us as a prerequisite before visiting with the baby. Basically, I just wanted to discuss a happy, low-key, visit that would put the baby's emotions as the top priority. Children grow a lot between 15 months and age 3! I didn't want adult emotions to overwhelm and frighten child ones! Anyways, that night I talked with my daughter about her "Mama S." How she'd come back from a long trip, wanted to visit with her, etc... My daughter's one concern? She asked if she had to go live with her. After I reassured her that no, her home was with us, it was just a visit. She replied, "okay I would like to visit then Mom." The next afternoon I phoned and arranged to meet her at a donut shop in her neighborhood. Now, aside from being 30 mins. late, if the boundaries we'd discussed the day before had been respected, I would have been okay with a visit every 6 months or so. As a Mom, I couldn't imagine life without my son. Although, I never was (fortunately) in her position. I understand the mother love. Unfortunately, she acted in ways that would potentially confuse my daughter and bring chaos into our lives. After discussing it with my husband, I let her know that we felt it was in the baby's best interest to let her grow and develop a little more before arranging any additional visits. I let her know that I'd set up an exclusive email for communication between us and that I would send pics. 2 or 3 times a year. At that point in time, having been completely ignored on the boundaries we'd discussed and agreed on, and having been disrespected several times to my daughter. i.e. She couldn't refer to me as "your Mom or Mom" while talking to the baby. I was "her and she". At one point, my daughter gave me a questioning look. When she took it upon herself to mention holiday plans to my daughter that we had not discussed, it was clear. My daughter deserved to continue growing up with a Mom and a Dad who loved her, in the safe, secure only world she'd known for 3 yrs. After a few years, when her foundation was a little more developed and she had more of an understanding, we'd reassess things. Now, I will tie this post together. As an answer to one of my many requests for a goodbye visit, Genny Wrocklage said,"A visit isn't possible at this time, they're bonding, yadayada. Remember how you felt re: S.? Well now you're S." Okay for one thing, I shared a deep, loving bond with my daughter that only comes with daily, consistent, loving time spent together. During our private meeting, one thing I stated to S., "I respect that you carried her and gave her life." "However, 2 years is a long time at her age. You need to accept and respect, she hasn't been sitting on a shelf waiting for your return. I've been a consistent, loving, part of her life as long as she can remember. You need to be okay that I'm Mom." Since we had a history, I guess I accepted her quick agreement a little quickly myself. Second point, I very much set up the visit understanding S.'s heart and desire as a Mom myself. However, I took time to insure that A.'s best interests were number one priority. Only someone who has no clue would attempt to compare the situations!! I always acted for the good of my dau. I never put my feelings into the equation! Isn't that a Mom? Yes! A true Mom doesn't put her jealousies, insecurities, ahead of what's best for the child! IMO Someone who's incapable of that, Is not and will NEVER be a true, fit, deserving parent! I pray that you giggled and laughed today! My sweet little one Forever and Always, Plus One more Day! XOXO Mom

"TO THE BEST GIRL"

To my sweet darling girl, First I want to say how very, very sorry I am for the trauma you've been put through this year. I'm sorry I lost our home and that you had to go to that HORRIBLE place(Polinsky). I'm also extremely sorry that I told Genny Wrocklage something out of anger that I'd kept quiet about for 15 months. I never should have trusted her, should have kept it to myself and in fact, should have taken it to the grave. Opening up to her was a big part of why you weren't returned to me. That is something I regret to this day and always will. I pray every day that you aren't blaming yourself for ANYTHING! Although, at four, I fear that is in fact the case. Sweetheart if I'd been allowed to see you, I would have assured you that, Absolutely nothing that happened was your fault! Not for a minute have I stopped loving you! You could never do anything that would cause that to happen! I love and miss you so much. Always and Forever plus One more day. Do you remember how I always told you about me wishing for a little girl when I was a little girl? How you were my dream come true? That is as true today as it always was. I begged many times for the chance to see you and say goodbye. There were different excuses about why I couldn't. Once, it was "she's talking about you too much, you're a threat to what they're trying to build with her." Although I'm not sure who's interest they were thinking of, yours or theirs? Another time Genny Wrocklage said "It's obvious you're still very angry with me and I don't see that a visit would be beneficial at this time." As if my anger at her would ever be greater than my love for you. It wouldn't but, she never gave me that chance. Although she told me at one time she understood that I was your Mom. That she respected the love and bond we shared, she never respected it enough to do the decent, human thing and allow us to have the chance to say goodbye. Sweet girl I pray each day your heart is a little happier and that you don't carry any of this on your shoulders. You were/are the best little girl any parents could hope for. Life with you was a joy and a privilege. I think about you all the time and anxiously await the day we might be reunited. Until then, a piece of my heart and soul is missing. The day I see you again is when I will once again be complete. I love you beautiful girl! Forever and Always, plus One more day! I pray you smiled and laughed today my sweetest girl! XOXO Mom

"WHAT DEFINES MOM"

"The commonest fallacy among women is that simply having children makes one a mother which is as absurd as believing that having a piano makes one a musician."-Sydney J. Harris
"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother." - Oprah Winfrey

"Mom" IMO the greatest title a Woman can have in her lifetime. Aside from growing, carrying, and giving birth to a child. I've been thinking a lot the past ten months about other ways women become "Mom". Genny Wrocklage tried to minimize the relationship I shared with my daughter. In court I was reduced to the "caretaker". For myself, the biggest issue I have re: Social Workers is, they're not parents. They have no concept of being a parent, loving a child. In turn, they can't relate, there's no empathy. They look at the world with a young, inexperienced narrow viewpoint. My son grew under my heart. After 22 excruciating hours, he entered the world. It was love at first sight! 25 years later, a tiny, beautiful little girl came into my life. With the eyes of an old soul, she just lay quietly and looked at me. I wondered what had this baby been through in her first 3 months, that she seemed to look at life through much older eyes? From that first day, she began to grow in my heart. As time passed, she grew and thrived. The bond between us grew stronger as the days turned to weeks, months, and then to years. Along the way there was, life filled with, laughter, joy, love, a tear or two, many milestones to meet, and 3 eye surgerys to conquer. I believe loving, comforting, nurturing, teaching, all that goes into caring for a baby (3 mths.-4 yrs.), are all the acts of a Mom. I love both of my children. They both will always own a piece of my heart. My son showed me the meaning of a pure, emotional, over whelming love. He taught me what it means to love a child. My daughter means the world to me. I miss her and I love her just as much today as I did in Jan. At first, so much of what Genny Wrocklage said to me or about me was devastating. It was months before I finally got mad enough to fight for my self respect and my self esteem. Thus a blog was born. Through writing I've come to realize; She's not a parent. Therefore, she's incapable of relating as one. I will no longer allow her pointless judgements, lies, or statements haunt or define me. I also realize that my little girl will look for me one day soon. I'll have a lot to share with her on that day. I just need be patient and wait. Once we are reunited, we will never be separated again. No matter what the robots at CPS are able to do in the moment, no one will erase the loving bond that connects our hearts. I love you Ahmi! With every beat of my heart. I miss you and I yearn for the day I will see your beautiful face once again. Forever and Always plus One more day! I hope you smiled and laughed today! XOXO Mom

"WE DON'T GO HAND IN HAND"

I've seen a few postings from people on different sites which seem to lump foster's and SW's into an interchangeable unit. I've also seen $ mentioned as if it's some sort of an incentive for fostering. Speaking for myself, the decision to foster had nothing to do with money. I made 4x more money working at my job, than what I would ever receive in reimbursement from the state. Believe me, it's no windfall. In my case it was an empty nest that came too soon and a heart full of love that wanted to help a baby. I never thought about the workers or about the redundant bureaucracy that I would soon have to deal with. If I had known what I was in for, maybe I would have thought twice. On second thought, probably not. After all, I did have the privilege of sharing four special years with a very special little girl. The two challenges of fostering did turn out to be the parents and the workers. During your initial training class it's presented as"a united team all working together to help support and reunite families". The reality is a little more complicated. Working with the majority of my parents turned out okay. A couple were very resentful re: their situation and did tend to redirect the anger. I learned to let that roll off my back. I had nothing to do with it. I was there for the children. IMO the ones who were angry, were the ones who needed CPS intervention desperately. As for the Social Workers, two of my daughters early workers were top notch! They visited monthly, were on top of everything. They stayed with her case long term. We lost the first one only because my daughter's case was transferred into adoptions at 15 months. The other unfortunately moved away to get married. I hated saying goodbye to her. Unfortunately the majority of social workers must have heavy case loads. I don't know for sure, I never asked. However, I do know that sometimes missing paperwork took weeks to appear. I do know that required monthly visits sometimes don't happen. Phone calls weren't always returned the same day. Sometimes not even in the same week. I know SW's are very busy and I know the job is challenging, potentially overwhelming at times. You learn very quickly that the, "united team, working together" theme from the training? It's bologna! For the most part, you're on your own. Sometimes vital information isn't passed along. Yet, you're expected to manage, make do, figure it out. There are so many rules and regulations you need to follow. So many things that can get you into trouble. The licensing workers are a whole separate group involved in your life. Not to mention the children's Attys. and their Investigators. Although, Attys. seem to rotate out about every 6 months. This past Jan. was the 1st time in 4 years that I actually ever saw one of the Attys. Within this large network of people there are really no resources or support for the foster parents. There's an "omsbudsman" supposedly there for the FP. My experience, don't waste your time! It's like a bee hive. They all swarm around to protect it. The only true support was provided by a small number of foster parents who've been doing/dealing with it all for many, many years. They host the different monthly training/support groups. They're really the only ones that end up providing answers, guidance, and emotional support. Except for the 2 workers I mentioned, I never felt I was part of a team. Mostly, I felt like I took care of all the daily parts of life the workers had no time for. Nor any interest in.

"DAYTIME NIGHTMARE"

224 Awful days! This daily constant nightmare SUCKS! It seems my brain is constantly wondering (imagining) how my daughter is coping. Is she blaming herself? Does she imagine that I stopped loving her? Does she think that she did something wrong? Having personnal knowledge of the useless garbage that has come from Genny Wrocklage only adds to the torture. I have no faith at all re: the way she interacted with Ahmi. She liked to pretend she knew her. You don't get to know a child by visiting them 30-45 mins. every few months. Especially when you don't have children. Until someone is a parent, they have no clue! I firmly believe that and will until my time on Earth is done. I just can't seem to stop looking and listening. On the freeway, in the stores, whenever I'm out. I catch myself always taking a second look. I think that soon I will take leave of this place for a bit. I do know that as soon as she is old enough to figure out FB or even just searching the Internet, she will have no trouble finding me. That is the day I am looking forward to. Because on that day, others will walk in my shoes and maybe will learn something about compassion and loss. Until that day finally comes, I truly hope and pray that she is letting someone know how she's doing. Unfortunately, she does tend to keep things to herself. I hope the people she's with have figured that much out by now. Of course if they're as delusional as the SW has been,... My poor darling.
Dear Ahmi, the consistent message I've heard is "She's doing great! Over her grief, etc..." Since that comes from the mouth of a liar, it's very little comfort to me. Sweetheart I hope and pray that each day brings a little more happiness and a lot less pain in your heart. I love you sweetest girl! Always and Forever plus One more Day! I never stopped, I never could! I'm waiting for your contact. Day or night 24/7. I'm here waiting sweetie. We have so much to talk about. I love you!

"THE CRAP SHE SPEAKS"

It was horrible enough when Genny Wrocklage gave my beloved little girl to strangers. Yet, somehow, every time she opened her mouth she managed to make it even worse! Such as her comment "She's young enough to forget about you, and go on to have a happy life." Yes, I suppose one could make that stretch and work life out the way they wished it to be. Goodness knows four year olds and babies could be comparable if we talk enough! What's four years of bonding, loving, building memories? Couldn't possibly be important enough to matter to a child who's only four! "She's a very bright child, with a lot of promise. I want to see her placed with a loving family who will help her to become all she can be." Excuse me, seeing as how we've known for quite some time just how bright she is. We also witnessed her growing into the awesome little girl she is. We saw that daily in many ways. How the hell did she come so far? She certainly didn't sit by herself in a corner and magically grow that way! No Miss Social Wrecker, that's what happens when a child has love, attention, time spent playing, reading, laughing, activities, etc...The witch tried to credit nature and DNA. She'd much rather minimize nurture and environment. Bull crap! Well considering that little girl was being starved when she first came to us, gee, I wonder how much better off her brain was back then? Also, if nature is prevalent, does that mean she's doomed to a future of prostitution and drugs? Of course not! Just one more example of a Social Wreckers mouth moving and nothing important or anything of substance being spoken! It seemed she'd say anything to minimize, and/or ignore the relationship that we shared. Proof in point, she was so negative in court re: me. She totally blew off the excellent evaluation my angel had recently undergone. Never mentioned any of the outstanding things the psychologist had said re: that eval. How impressed she was with my daughter. She never mentioned how my daughter stated that she loved me and wanted to be with me. After getting totally creamed by 2 veteran attorneys. I was devastated and standing in the hallway outside the courtroom. The Bitch had the nerve to come up to me and say, "you have to admit I was fair." I couldn't believe the gall! She's lucky we were in a courthouse! I mean she along with her two experienced attorneys,(both of whom strongly objected to the court appointing me a Lawyer.) had just torn me apart in the travesty they called a trial. She'd basically revealed her evil, lying true self to me. I understood finally that she'd stabbed me in the back. That she'd never been on my side. I'd done everything she said, including, filing for Divorce. It had got me nowhere! I still hadn't really absorbed all the lies she testified to in the courtroom. And, she's looking for compliments on how she screwed me but,"You have to admit that I was fair." Got to hand it to her, I could never be so incredibly cold hearted, evil, cluless, ballsy, ignorant...

"SHUT UP, FALL IN LINE, DO AS YOUR TOLD..."

Last night, I was thinking back on the different ways my spouse and I were dealt with by cps workers over the past two and a half years. My spouse has always been better than I at their politics; yesing them, not making waves, keeping his opinions to himself. He's always grateful for the smallest bone the worker mentions. He's hoping for a direct email at this time. His glass is always 1/2 full. I'm 100% wiser. They'll tell you anything to shut you up, look you in the eye and lie to your face, believe what they choose to believe and that's that! My damn glass is ALWAYS 1/2 empty! My spouse will leave a voicemail or send an email and be okay with waiting days, sometimes weeks for her to get back to him. The way I see it, ignoring messages is, Disrespectful, Unprofessional, and Demeaning. It say's loud and clear; I could care less what you want, it's not important to me, I'll get to it when I get to it. Aside from child molesters or rapists(who,IMO deserve no respect), no one should be treated like that. If common courtesy and respect become extinct, I think they're already endangered, where will that leave society? If a parent/s makes a mistake, has done the wrong thing, yes, by all means, protect the children and teach the parent/s. However, when did demeaning, judging, disrespecting, or threatening parents become part of helping them? What good purpose is served by shredding someone's self esteem? You want my respect, be ready to give it. I'll be the 1st to admit, any perceptions on my part of being controlled or bullied, and my inner child, fight or flight instinct is something I have be aware of and not surrender to. I have a hard time with that. There was definitely a difference in what each of us would tolerate from SW's. My personal observations were that some SW's have major control issues. There's a need to prove they're in charge. They're not above using threats to break you down, keep you in line. You best do what you're told or else! BullShit! They don't have the right to treat people like dogs, tear down people's self esteem, rip someone apart and leave them feeling worthless! That's not helping someone, that's lording over them!