"THE CRAP SHE SPEAKS PART 2"

When she was 15 months old, my daughters birth Mom skipped an important court date and vanished for 2 years. At that time parental rights were terminated. A month before my daughters 3rd birthday, I received a letter from her. Basically it said, she'd got her life straightened out and she was ready to be a Mom. Although I was concerned re: her assumption and or perception of reality. As a Mom myself, I could understand her wanting to see the baby, missing her, needing to know how she was doing, etc... Once Genny Wrocklage met with her and let her know where things stood. That rights had been terminated 2 yrs. previously, that we were moving ahead with Adoption, etc... I called her and set up a meeting for the 2 of us as a prerequisite before visiting with the baby. Basically, I just wanted to discuss a happy, low-key, visit that would put the baby's emotions as the top priority. Children grow a lot between 15 months and age 3! I didn't want adult emotions to overwhelm and frighten child ones! Anyways, that night I talked with my daughter about her "Mama S." How she'd come back from a long trip, wanted to visit with her, etc... My daughter's one concern? She asked if she had to go live with her. After I reassured her that no, her home was with us, it was just a visit. She replied, "okay I would like to visit then Mom." The next afternoon I phoned and arranged to meet her at a donut shop in her neighborhood. Now, aside from being 30 mins. late, if the boundaries we'd discussed the day before had been respected, I would have been okay with a visit every 6 months or so. As a Mom, I couldn't imagine life without my son. Although, I never was (fortunately) in her position. I understand the mother love. Unfortunately, she acted in ways that would potentially confuse my daughter and bring chaos into our lives. After discussing it with my husband, I let her know that we felt it was in the baby's best interest to let her grow and develop a little more before arranging any additional visits. I let her know that I'd set up an exclusive email for communication between us and that I would send pics. 2 or 3 times a year. At that point in time, having been completely ignored on the boundaries we'd discussed and agreed on, and having been disrespected several times to my daughter. i.e. She couldn't refer to me as "your Mom or Mom" while talking to the baby. I was "her and she". At one point, my daughter gave me a questioning look. When she took it upon herself to mention holiday plans to my daughter that we had not discussed, it was clear. My daughter deserved to continue growing up with a Mom and a Dad who loved her, in the safe, secure only world she'd known for 3 yrs. After a few years, when her foundation was a little more developed and she had more of an understanding, we'd reassess things. Now, I will tie this post together. As an answer to one of my many requests for a goodbye visit, Genny Wrocklage said,"A visit isn't possible at this time, they're bonding, yadayada. Remember how you felt re: S.? Well now you're S." Okay for one thing, I shared a deep, loving bond with my daughter that only comes with daily, consistent, loving time spent together. During our private meeting, one thing I stated to S., "I respect that you carried her and gave her life." "However, 2 years is a long time at her age. You need to accept and respect, she hasn't been sitting on a shelf waiting for your return. I've been a consistent, loving, part of her life as long as she can remember. You need to be okay that I'm Mom." Since we had a history, I guess I accepted her quick agreement a little quickly myself. Second point, I very much set up the visit understanding S.'s heart and desire as a Mom myself. However, I took time to insure that A.'s best interests were number one priority. Only someone who has no clue would attempt to compare the situations!! I always acted for the good of my dau. I never put my feelings into the equation! Isn't that a Mom? Yes! A true Mom doesn't put her jealousies, insecurities, ahead of what's best for the child! IMO Someone who's incapable of that, Is not and will NEVER be a true, fit, deserving parent! I pray that you giggled and laughed today! My sweet little one Forever and Always, Plus One more Day! XOXO Mom

"THE THINGS I MISS"

The list is so incredibly long I don't know where to begin. I miss hearing "Good morning mom". I miss smelling her hair, brushing it out after a bath. I miss the shared giggles and her impish grin. I miss her enthusiasm, her perseverence, and witnessing her pride in her discoveries and accomplishments. I miss her curiosity and fearlessness. I miss her hugs and kisses. I miss making her chocolate chip pancakes knowing she'll eat the chocolate chips and be "full".:)(I know, no nutrition. I believe, sometimes, the memories shared are most important.) I miss reading to her and tucking her into bed at night. I miss her happiness at getting to eat a cookie occasionally in the morning. I miss her laughter and her joy. I miss her questions. I miss the quiet moments. I miss the simple knowing how her day was. If anything special has happened in her life. I guess the list is endless. I'm trying to take a little comfort from the fact that my regrets can be counted on one hand with fingers left over. I think that says something. That's what comes of spending four years, bonding, loving, and watching a child grow. There is a never ending list of things to miss but, to have so few regrets helps lighten my heart a bit. Forever and Always plus One more Day! I pray that you giggled and laughed today sweet girl! XOXO Mom

"TO THE SUBSTITUTE"

Although we haven't met, I already know I can never like or respect you. I begged over and over for the chance to say goodbye to MY sweet angel. I was told "she talks about me all the time." that somehow that was a threat for you. If it wasn't for me loving and bonding with that little girl over the past 4 years, How could she bond with anyone? She's the Awesome little girl she is because of the time and the love that we shared. If that threatens you, too Damn bad! I loved her first. Since she was a tiny baby. I have complete faith that the bond we share will remain. You're never going to erase me from her mind or her heart! When she comes looking for me for the memories only I can share with her, I'll be waiting to reclaim her. You may want to explain how jealous you were re: our bond. So much so, you wouldn't do the decent thing and allow us to say Goodbye. Something we both deserved. Because I will tell her. At this moment in time you have a piece of my heart and soul. I love that child with every beat of my heart. Every breath that I take. I could have been an Allie to you. However, the decision re: a final visit for the 2 of us now makes that impossible. I'll be waiting right here. You have a temporary place in her life. She and I will be reunited. You know nothing of her 1st 4 years. I have her scrapbooks and her baby journals. They'll be with me. The worker fit her in once every 2 to 3 months. She has nothing to fill in. My baby love will look for me one day soon. I'll be waiting with open arms! You'll be the nightmare that temporarily interrupted our lives. Great thing about the Internet, no matter where she or I are, we will be REUNITED! Sooner than you think! Count on it!