"GOOD BYE FOR NOW"

When I started this blog in July 2011, I was broken. The monsters who are in charge of the so called "Child Protective Services" in particular, Genny Wrocklage, had destroyed my world. I take responsibility for choices I made. However, that gave the witch no license to lie to my face, stab me in the back, traumatize an innocent child and worst of all, not allow us to say goodbye. Instead the bitch made decisions that were adult based. That ignored and stepped on the loving bond my sweet Ahmi girl and I shared. Her only reasoning was it threatened the substitutes. She didn't give a crap about the pain she'd cause to Ahmi! Yet, she's supposedly for "the best interests of children." The whole agency has turned into a corrupted pile of DOG CRAP! I live for the day they will be put in check! Well, I've come a long way since that summer day a year and a half ago. I'm now divorced and will have all my ex's money (the one thing he truly cares about). This blog is forever tied to the witch who lied to my face. Thanks to family court, I've found a sense of healing and peace. I know my girl will look for me. The heart doesn't forget. God brought her and I together and he won't forsake us! I just have to be patient, build my new future, and wait! Thank God for the power of the Internet! Thank you to all my readers. Putting the story out there was a big step in my healing! I miss my girl every minute of every day. I'll love her forever and always plus one more day. I know she'll look for me and I'll be waiting with open arms! If you're going through your own hell with the as$holes, I pray you find your way through. Hold tight to your self esteem! Remember, you're so much better/more than what they say. They thrive on ripping people apart. They're trash! Hopefully there will be change one day soon! Keep fighting and speaking out! I will! Don't know if this will truly be the last post. Death and taxes are the only sure things in life. If anything comes up, I will post it. For now it's time to concentrate on building my new life. Love and Thanks to all. I love you sweetest Ahmi girl. Forever and Always, plus One more Day!xoxo Mom Lynn Connearney

"DEAR SWEET AHMI GIRL(LITTLE ONE)"

Genny Wrocklage refused to allow us any chance for closure. No goodbye, no closure. 500+ days. I'm starting to realize the pain is mine to carry until the day we meet again.
Wow 5 1/2 years old! Not so little anymore! Kindergarten will be starting soon. Are you excited? I remember when you were 2. You wanted to go to big kid school. Like "your kids" Sam and A.J. What do you know? The time is almost here. I'm sure you've grown and learned so much over the past year and a half! I often wonder; Do you still like elephants, tea parties, the beach, flip flops, chocolate? Is Jasmine still your favorite princess? Do you still silk? I miss your silks! I bet your hair is so long! Like I always said, I'm sure you skipped breakfast the day they were handing out the good hair gene. I'm sure you were first in line! Lol! Do you still play little tricks to hear others laughter? I miss your sweet impish grin every day! I pray everyday that your heart is light and the sound of your sweet laughter is heard often. The sound of your laughter and giggles makes the world a much better place! I hope that wonderful sound often brightens the world around you! You deserve so much laughter and joy! I hope and pray you are happy and well! Although we weren't able to say goodbye, I've never stopped loving or thinking about you! I'm so very sorry that I just disappeared from your life without saying goodbye. I need you to know, understand, and to believe that it wasn't your fault! You could never do or say anything that would cause me to go away or to ever stop loving you! Ever since you were a little baby I've said,"I'll Love You Forever and Always Plus One More Day!" That has always been true. Forever and always it will be true! You're the kindest, sweetest, smartest, bestest little girl ever! Just as we always told you, you're beautiful on the inside as well as the outside! That makes you very special! Lots of people have outer beauty. However, many of them don't have the beautiful heart that you do! It was a joy and a privilege to be a part of your life! Someday when you're grown, I would love to sit and share so many awesome memories with you. I have your scrapbook, baby journals, and your dvd. I will keep them safe until the day I pass them on to you alone! Every night I look up at the moon. I pray you giggled and laughed that day. I always say, "I love you sweetest Ahmi girl. Forever and Always plus One More Day!" Until the day we are reunited, I hold you close within my heart! Sending you tons of hugs and kisses, and oceans full of love! Mom p.s. Chris and Terry are having a baby girl in Sept. Right after school starts. Her name will be Adriana Rose. I'm making a pink and white blanket for her. Also making a small scrapbook. Well, I'm decorating the pages. They'll add the pics. I LOVE YOU!

"HAPPY NEW YEAR"

Happiest New Year my sweetest little love! Ahmi sweet girl I hope your holiday and birthday were happy! You so greatly deserve only happiness! Every moment of every day you are in my heart and in my thoughts. Two days are approaching fast that I've anticipated with dread. The day you were taken from me. Then the day Genny Wrocklage lied and betrayed us in court before she gave you away to the substitutes. 2011 was the most difficult and challenging year I've ever faced. I must admit I was glad to see it come to an end. I've resolved to embrace all future holidays/milestones rather than to dread them. Because I've come to realize, that each one that passes, brings our possible reunion one step closer. Every night I pray that you giggled and laughed that wonderful laugh of yours that always embraced everyone around you. I also pray your pain has lessened. I don't want any burden carried upon your shoulders. You were an innocent victim of bad decisions made by 2 adults you trusted (who regrettably, let you down) and a broken corrupt system run by people who are so caught up in the fantasy of being gods they've lost all sense of their humanity. I don't know what you've been told, I need you to know there are two sides to every story and I hope to have the chance to tell you mine. I Love you now as much as I always have, as much as I always will! From this moment on, I will welcome each passing day with appreciation. I will remember for each special day we miss, we are one day closer to the reunion I dream of and look forward to. I Love you Forever and Always plus One more Day! XOXO Mom

"TO THE BEST GIRL"

To my sweet darling girl, First I want to say how very, very sorry I am for the trauma you've been put through this year. I'm sorry I lost our home and that you had to go to that HORRIBLE place(Polinsky). I'm also extremely sorry that I told Genny Wrocklage something out of anger that I'd kept quiet about for 15 months. I never should have trusted her, should have kept it to myself and in fact, should have taken it to the grave. Opening up to her was a big part of why you weren't returned to me. That is something I regret to this day and always will. I pray every day that you aren't blaming yourself for ANYTHING! Although, at four, I fear that is in fact the case. Sweetheart if I'd been allowed to see you, I would have assured you that, Absolutely nothing that happened was your fault! Not for a minute have I stopped loving you! You could never do anything that would cause that to happen! I love and miss you so much. Always and Forever plus One more day. Do you remember how I always told you about me wishing for a little girl when I was a little girl? How you were my dream come true? That is as true today as it always was. I begged many times for the chance to see you and say goodbye. There were different excuses about why I couldn't. Once, it was "she's talking about you too much, you're a threat to what they're trying to build with her." Although I'm not sure who's interest they were thinking of, yours or theirs? Another time Genny Wrocklage said "It's obvious you're still very angry with me and I don't see that a visit would be beneficial at this time." As if my anger at her would ever be greater than my love for you. It wouldn't but, she never gave me that chance. Although she told me at one time she understood that I was your Mom. That she respected the love and bond we shared, she never respected it enough to do the decent, human thing and allow us to have the chance to say goodbye. Sweet girl I pray each day your heart is a little happier and that you don't carry any of this on your shoulders. You were/are the best little girl any parents could hope for. Life with you was a joy and a privilege. I think about you all the time and anxiously await the day we might be reunited. Until then, a piece of my heart and soul is missing. The day I see you again is when I will once again be complete. I love you beautiful girl! Forever and Always, plus One more day! I pray you smiled and laughed today my sweetest girl! XOXO Mom

"THE THINGS I MISS"

The list is so incredibly long I don't know where to begin. I miss hearing "Good morning mom". I miss smelling her hair, brushing it out after a bath. I miss the shared giggles and her impish grin. I miss her enthusiasm, her perseverence, and witnessing her pride in her discoveries and accomplishments. I miss her curiosity and fearlessness. I miss her hugs and kisses. I miss making her chocolate chip pancakes knowing she'll eat the chocolate chips and be "full".:)(I know, no nutrition. I believe, sometimes, the memories shared are most important.) I miss reading to her and tucking her into bed at night. I miss her happiness at getting to eat a cookie occasionally in the morning. I miss her laughter and her joy. I miss her questions. I miss the quiet moments. I miss the simple knowing how her day was. If anything special has happened in her life. I guess the list is endless. I'm trying to take a little comfort from the fact that my regrets can be counted on one hand with fingers left over. I think that says something. That's what comes of spending four years, bonding, loving, and watching a child grow. There is a never ending list of things to miss but, to have so few regrets helps lighten my heart a bit. Forever and Always plus One more Day! I pray that you giggled and laughed today sweet girl! XOXO Mom