"DAYTIME NIGHTMARE"

224 Awful days! This daily constant nightmare SUCKS! It seems my brain is constantly wondering (imagining) how my daughter is coping. Is she blaming herself? Does she imagine that I stopped loving her? Does she think that she did something wrong? Having personnal knowledge of the useless garbage that has come from Genny Wrocklage only adds to the torture. I have no faith at all re: the way she interacted with Ahmi. She liked to pretend she knew her. You don't get to know a child by visiting them 30-45 mins. every few months. Especially when you don't have children. Until someone is a parent, they have no clue! I firmly believe that and will until my time on Earth is done. I just can't seem to stop looking and listening. On the freeway, in the stores, whenever I'm out. I catch myself always taking a second look. I think that soon I will take leave of this place for a bit. I do know that as soon as she is old enough to figure out FB or even just searching the Internet, she will have no trouble finding me. That is the day I am looking forward to. Because on that day, others will walk in my shoes and maybe will learn something about compassion and loss. Until that day finally comes, I truly hope and pray that she is letting someone know how she's doing. Unfortunately, she does tend to keep things to herself. I hope the people she's with have figured that much out by now. Of course if they're as delusional as the SW has been,... My poor darling.
Dear Ahmi, the consistent message I've heard is "She's doing great! Over her grief, etc..." Since that comes from the mouth of a liar, it's very little comfort to me. Sweetheart I hope and pray that each day brings a little more happiness and a lot less pain in your heart. I love you sweetest girl! Always and Forever plus One more Day! I never stopped, I never could! I'm waiting for your contact. Day or night 24/7. I'm here waiting sweetie. We have so much to talk about. I love you!