"DEAR SWEET AHMI GIRL(LITTLE ONE)"

Genny Wrocklage refused to allow us any chance for closure. No goodbye, no closure. 500+ days. I'm starting to realize the pain is mine to carry until the day we meet again.
Wow 5 1/2 years old! Not so little anymore! Kindergarten will be starting soon. Are you excited? I remember when you were 2. You wanted to go to big kid school. Like "your kids" Sam and A.J. What do you know? The time is almost here. I'm sure you've grown and learned so much over the past year and a half! I often wonder; Do you still like elephants, tea parties, the beach, flip flops, chocolate? Is Jasmine still your favorite princess? Do you still silk? I miss your silks! I bet your hair is so long! Like I always said, I'm sure you skipped breakfast the day they were handing out the good hair gene. I'm sure you were first in line! Lol! Do you still play little tricks to hear others laughter? I miss your sweet impish grin every day! I pray everyday that your heart is light and the sound of your sweet laughter is heard often. The sound of your laughter and giggles makes the world a much better place! I hope that wonderful sound often brightens the world around you! You deserve so much laughter and joy! I hope and pray you are happy and well! Although we weren't able to say goodbye, I've never stopped loving or thinking about you! I'm so very sorry that I just disappeared from your life without saying goodbye. I need you to know, understand, and to believe that it wasn't your fault! You could never do or say anything that would cause me to go away or to ever stop loving you! Ever since you were a little baby I've said,"I'll Love You Forever and Always Plus One More Day!" That has always been true. Forever and always it will be true! You're the kindest, sweetest, smartest, bestest little girl ever! Just as we always told you, you're beautiful on the inside as well as the outside! That makes you very special! Lots of people have outer beauty. However, many of them don't have the beautiful heart that you do! It was a joy and a privilege to be a part of your life! Someday when you're grown, I would love to sit and share so many awesome memories with you. I have your scrapbook, baby journals, and your dvd. I will keep them safe until the day I pass them on to you alone! Every night I look up at the moon. I pray you giggled and laughed that day. I always say, "I love you sweetest Ahmi girl. Forever and Always plus One More Day!" Until the day we are reunited, I hold you close within my heart! Sending you tons of hugs and kisses, and oceans full of love! Mom p.s. Chris and Terry are having a baby girl in Sept. Right after school starts. Her name will be Adriana Rose. I'm making a pink and white blanket for her. Also making a small scrapbook. Well, I'm decorating the pages. They'll add the pics. I LOVE YOU!

"LIES V. TRUTH"

As far back as I can remember, my Mother seemed to prefer lying over the truth. My third and youngest brother was born a little bit less than 2 months before I turned 7. I very clearly remember when she told me it was a boy, I didn't believe her. I was convinced she was playing a cruel trick on me since she knew how much I wanted a sister. It wasn't until I saw his diaper being changed that I knew it was true. My first words upon seeing the truth,"Take him back and trade him in for a girl." Of course we kept him. I love him very much and those words were only my childish disappointment. My adult brain thinks back on that experience and I've often asked myself, why would my first reaction be of non belief re: my Mother's words? I was almost 7 yet already I'd learned my Mother couldn't be trusted. I won't go into the details but, yes, due to cruel things she'd done and lies I'd heard her speak, I'd already discovered my Mother was mean sometimes and didn't always tell the truth. Around the same time, my 2 younger brothers and I were upstairs in my parents bedroom jumping on the bed. My Dad who was in the Living room right below us, called for us to come down. He asked each of us in turn, "were you jumping on the bed?" I answered truthfully, "yes Dad." My brothers, I suppose trying to avoid getting into trouble, both said "no." They both had to stand in the corner. I didn't because, my Dad said, "Lynn told the truth." So many years later and that lesson is still a part of me! To this day, I respect someone who speaks the truth! Truth may sometimes hurt but, it's the right way to go. ALWAYS! I hate a liar. It's the worst thing someone can do to me. If Genny Wrocklege had had the decency and self respect to be truthful with me, I in turn would have respected that. Instead she lied, stabbed me in the back, walked all over the trust I'd placed in her. That's why forever and always, IMO, she's a waste of the air she breathes. To be in her position, as far as I'm concerned, wreckers are obligated to treat people with; truth, dignity, and respect. SHE FAILED! May she rot! I love you Ahmi girl! Forever and Always, plus One more day! I pray you giggled and laughed today and that your heart is light! xxoo Mom

"ONE AWFUL YEAR"

The 24th of this month will mark the first anniversary of the day my world was forever ripped apart. One horrendous, devastating, living nightmare, of a year since I held my darling Ahmi girl. Kissed her sweet face. Smelled her hair. Heard her voice. One year since I learned the hard way that the trust I'd placed in Genny Wrocklage was indeed misplaced. Looking back, I feel like the biggest, most gullible fool! Lots of people tried to warn me re: wreckers. "Don't trust them. They're not on your side. They'll turn on you w/out warning..." I always brushed off the negative comments. I always said, "No, no she's not like that. She has my back. She's on our side..." I believed it and her until that final day. I fell for everything she told me. Hook, line, and sinker! Even after the 2 days that she mentally and emotionally abused Ahmi and I. I told myself she really was as busy with work as she claimed. Even after she tried to place the blame on hus. and myself for the resulting meltdown my baby suffered! Until the day she stood up in a court of law and I heard the lies that came out of her mouth. It was only then that I finally realized the truth. I'd trusted and believed her. She'd played me for a FOOL! She was nothing but, an evil, lying, backstabbing, two faced bitch. I recently sent her an email. I asked her how does it feel to wreck a child's life and how does one just move on? I wonder how can that person face themselves in the mirror? Do they just shrug it off and move on to their next victim? Do they ever think back and second guess their actions/decisions? I didn't bother asking the last question. Not that I received or even expected any answer at all. One of the sickest ironies is that my soon to be ex, still believes that; "she had no choice, didn't want to hurt Ahmi or us, that she's a good person w/ a difficult job..." RETCH!!! He tells me, I should leave her in peace! Again, RETCH!! Until karma catches up to the bitch, it's not going to be possible! I did misplace my trust in her. However, she's the evil, black hearted bitch who lied to my face! Over and over! There is just no way I can let that go! He might maintain his naivety and blindness. Not me! My eyes were opened wide and fast on 1/25/12 when I heard the BS erupting from her lying mouth! Then her continued evilness. Denying Ahmi and I any kind of closure. Her true self was revealed in court and topped off w/ her final decision. I hate her freaking guts and am certain if I heard she'd died, I wouldn't be able to keep myself from dancing w/ glee! (Sorry God.) No, I'm sorry, the system SUCKS and is broken in so many ways. The people in charge at the agency are power hungry, control freaks! They are out of control and desperately need to be reeled in and put in check! I love you sweetest girl! I pray you giggled and laughed today! Forever and Always plus One more Day! XOXO Mom

"DEAR SWEET GIRL"

Dear Sweetest Ahmi girl, I pray you giggled and laughed today. That your heart is somewhat lighter. Even though the substitutes and Genny Wrecklage wouldn't allow us the chance to say goodbye, I just know within my heart that we will be reunited and we'll be together at Christmas again one day. For now, I wish you the Merriest Christmas and the Happiest 5th birthday! It seems like just yesterday you were 2 and claiming to be five so you could "be big like A.J and Sam". I think about you often. Do you still like Elephants? Tea parties? Flip flops? Do you still take your shoes off the 1st chance you get? Do you still silk? I miss your silks. I miss you my sweet baby love and think of you everytime I see the moon. I send a kiss and a hug to you each night before I go to bed. Be happy my sweetest girl as you so deserve to be. I love you Forever and Always plus One more Day! Till we see each other again, I hold you in my heart. XOXO Mom

"DEAR MISS WRECKLAGE"

Miss Wrecklage, just want to say Happy Holidays! May karma deliver for you in 2012! Aside from the lies and hurtful things that came  from your mouth, I can NEVER forget that you allowed Bully Bastard Bill (liar and spouse abuser) to see her that one last time. Yet, your evil, black hearted, backstabbing self refused her and I the humane, compassionate, chance for transition and closure! Because they were jealous she was talking about me all the time?? WTF?? They can't understand our bond? Garbage! Passing time till she contacts me. And, she will! Our hearts are bonded w/ love! Something you have no clue about. My blog (billboard) is waiting right there. I come up on all the major search engines! People all over the world UK, Germany, Ireland, Russia... read my blog! Since July 58 people have found my blog due to you. They may have been checking your name for something else. Regardless, they found me. 1,600 views in 4 months! I'm very pleased! Deny it all you like I saw the way she looked at you when you made that stupid comment at Polinsky's. Like you were insane or had two heads! You may consider Child Development. You mentally and emotionally abused her those 2 days! Only you! Try to blame Bill and I all you like. You alone own it! It doesn't matter if you're honest or not. We both know you're a liar! We (you and I) both heard what she said! I know I was wrong not to have him locked up in Sept 2009. I guess you don't know fear. I now know I should have kept my mouth shut! I let the anger re: the lie he told licensing get the better of me. I'd say I paid the worst price! Yet, you had to make it even worse by not allowing me the chance to say goodbye. You're the most evil, cold hearted b&tch I've ever met! Yes, I pray every night that the Karma you've earned catches you. I pray it's painful, drawn out, and rips your heart and soul apart! I pray you rot in the fires of hell! I know 100% she'll look for me. Thank God for the Internet! It's a small, small world!! Tick tick tick.....