"HOW DOES ONE JUST MOVE ON?"

The depression I've sunk into since the start of the year just seems to get deeper. Although my head knows that life must go on, my heart is shattered. It's been made so much worse by the fact, that we were denied the chance to say goodbye! There's no closure only a devastating sense of loss. Although I've begged many times, my pleas always fell on deaf ears. My role now reduced to a "former caretaker." Our deep, loving bond minimized. Apparently, the fact that my baby talked about me all the time was "a threat to what they were trying to build with her." Excuse me but, who's interests are we concerned with? The child's or the adults? If my role was so minimal, why does it matter how often she talks about me? On the other hand, why would she talk about me all the time if we didn't share a bond? Just one more example of a Social Worker speaking yet, nothing of substance coming out of her mouth. You're supposed to just accept what the worker says without argument. I'll be the first to admit, that just isn't me. My mouth combined with my emotions=trouble. Because if you display emotions, well, there must be something wrong with you. The whole system SUCKS! A broken system run by broken people if you ask me. I mean WTF? You love and nurture a child for 4 years. One day she's there, the next gone. Not even allowed to say goodbye. How the hell do you just turn and walk away? How do you not feel overwhelmed with devastating grief and anger? It's been 199 days and the pain is just as raw today as it was in Jan.